Unthinkable
by jewelle32
Summary: I just had this story in my head...what if Rick really loses it after Lori's death and starts acting even weirder than he does in the TV series? With his son? Same warnings apply - hints of all kinds of abuse, this is the Dixons we're talking about after all and we know their childhood weren't pretty. Also, I'm just having fun experimenting with the characters even if a little OC.
1. Chapter 1

Daryl whirled around with his crossbow pointed at Carl's chest. 'Jesus, kid! I nearly shot ya! What ya doin' followin' us again?'

'Yeah, son. Why ya trailin' behind us all the time like a bad smell?' Merle had heard Daryl's shout of surprise and come running. He had been quite a way ahead, looking for prey and tracking scat but he thought Daryl might have been in trouble.

'Sorry.' The teenager hunched his shoulders and looked down at the ground, kicking at a stick, then he looked back towards the camp. Of course, they couldn't see it from here...it was a long away beyond the trees. The brothers realised he must have been _tracking _ _them_ and he must have got better at it because they hadn't noticed. Then again, they had been intent on filling the camp's bellies.

'Ya can't creep up on us like that. Shouldn't ya be with ya Dad and Judith?' Daryl asked more gently this time.

Carl evaded the question. 'Can I come with you and Merle? I wanna learn.'

The archer looked at his older brother questioningly.

Merle shrugged and then hissed at him. 'Come on, then. Can't exactly leave ya behind but ya better pray ya ain't scared dinner away otherwise I'll make ya regret taggin' along.'

Daryl scowled at him and put his finger to his lips. The meaning clear. _Don't make any more noise_.

The boy gave a small smile and tugged behind. He wasn't scared of the older Dixon despite his harsh words. He knew he was safe with them no matter how much Merle grouched and threatened.

They went along in silence but the leader's son's fourteen year old thoughts were whirling around his head. He was determined to ingratiate himself with the Dixons even though his mother wouldn't have approved. When she was alive, she'd always tried to keep him away from them – particularly Merle.

'They ain't our people, Carl. They don't follow the same rules as we do.'

'What's that supposed to mean?' He'd asked.

'It means just stay away from them, sweetheart.'

'But _why_? I wanna learn to shoot a crossbow like Daryl!'

She had sighed then and tucked him in, her big belly looming over him while the rest of her was so skinny. He remembered worrying about that – his Dad did too. Always telling her to eat more. Some impulse drove him to put his arms around her neck and pull her down to him. She had laughed at that. Next thing he did was put his ear to her stomach, trying to listen to his sister. Lori had told him it was a girl – she was sure. They had all been so happy and excited about the baby...it was like sticking their fingers up at what was wondering out there, rotting and devouring everything in sight.

His mother grew silent then and a frown crossed her features as if at a grim premonition and she grabbed his shoulders.

'Listen, baby. If anythin' happens to me, I want ya to promise me somethin'.'

A chill seized him then at her serious expression.

'What do ya mean? Ya and the baby's gonna be alright...'

'I hope so. But we don't have hospitals or even a proper doctor, somethin' could happen.'

He pushed her away then and turned his back to her. 'Why ya sayin' that?'

She grabbed him then and pulled him to her, grabbing his head fiercely and forcing him to look at her. 'I need ya to promise to look after ya sister and ya Dad if...if somethin' happens to me. And to take care of me if ya Dad isn't there to do it.'

He stared at her, his eyes growing wide with fear and his lips trembled. He knew what she meant by 'take care of her'. She meant stop her coming back as one of _them_. It was too much responsibility for a thirteen year old boy and felt that he was being slowly crushed by the burden she'd put on him. But he couldn't blame her, she would never have asked him if things had been the way they used to be.

The world had changed and 13 was a man now. Or as good as.

'Please, baby.' She was begging him now and he could never refuse – not _her_. Never _her_.

He nodded.

'Good boy.' She rewarded him by a kiss on the cheek.

Still, he was would never have imagined what he'd be called upon to do...had she known? Had she meant he do _that_?

'Mom.' She turned around before she went out of their tent. 'I love you.'

'I love you, too, baby.'

He held onto that memory. At least he'd known her which Judith never would. But he would tell her about their Mom, how she had sacrificed herself to save her. Give her life. How much she had loved the both of them.

Lost in his bitter-sweet memories, he nearly crashed into the hard back of the younger Dixon when he stopped suddenly, following the lead of his brother.

Daryl turned around and steadied him with one hand, silently put his finger on his lips again to warn him to be quiet. Merle had sighted prey.

Just then a big buck bounded into the little glade they'd come to. He shot it down with his gun and grinned triumphantly at his brother, who clapped him on the shoulder and rubbing his hands.

Carl tried to get into the joyful mood and look forward to the feast tonight but he couldn't rouse the enthusiasm in him. Daryl whooped and did a victory dance, also blushing with excitement and enjoying his brother's success. His brace of half a dozen dead squirrels seemed to dance with him.

Merle grabbed his brother and planted a loud smacker on his lips.

'Come on, boy.' Merle grabbed him by the arm and shoved him none-too-gently in front of them. 'We're gonna fill our bellies tonight. Move.' But he could only drag his feet, dreading going back. He didn't give a shit about the food, he wasn't hungry. In fact, his empty belly seemed to feel more bloated as they got nearer home and his feeling of nausea grew.

Daryl ruffled his hair behind him. 'Ya OK?' They could talk now that the job was done.

'Course he ain't.' Merle snapped behind him.

'Yeah, sorry. Stupid question. I only meant – spoke out of habit, didn't think. I'm sorry, kid.'

Carl shrugged. 'It's OK. I'm OK.' To be honest, one of the reasons he liked spending time with them was they gave him room to think and treated him like normal. Not like they were embarrassed and didn't know what to say to a boy who had just lost his mother in childbirth a few days ago. Not that most people hadn't lost someone, it's just their family had thought they were lucky because they'd been reunited as if by a miracle.

'How's ya Dad holdin' up?' Daryl had a arm wrapped around his shoulders as they walked two abreast on the narrow path but dropped it when he felt the boy stiffen suddenly. For someone who didn't like being touched except by his brother, he touched him a _lot _lately. But Carl didn't mind. The hunter's heavy grip of him was comforting in a way. Made him feel safe and he wished he hadn't scared Daryl off.

'Uh...he's gettin' better.' He lied when this couldn't be further from the truth. Rick had lost it when Lori died. At least he held and fed Judith now.

His Dad was waiting for him and scooped him up in his arms as soon as he saw them after they gave Carol and the others on dinner duty their spoils. Rick ooked questioningly at the Dixons although he did trust Daryl with his son. They were best friends after all and the archer was unofficially his second-in-command.

Daryl shrugged while Carl looked up at him from under the scoop of his father's arms. 'He went off with you two again?'

Merle shrugged. 'Kid says he wants to learn to hunt but we don't encourage him, if that's what ya mean.'

'That true, Carl?' He let his son go and tilted up his chin. Only Merle noticed the teenager's almost imperciptible flinch at his father's touch and narrowed his eyes in suspicion.

'Yeah, Dad. I guess I want to help the camp by learning how to hunt and shoot.'

'Son, ya know ya ain't old enough for that...Judith needs ya and I need ya. Stop bothering 'em when they're workin'.'

Daryl butted in. 'Oh, he ain't no bother. We kinda like havin' him along really.'

'Still, I don't want to lose ya too.' Rick wrapped his arms around his son protectively.

Carl flushed and struggled out of his hold. 'I'm OK, Dad! Can take care of myself!' He stomped off back into the tent he shared with his father and baby sister.

Rick shrugged a little sheepishly and sighed. 'Teenagers.'

'Yeah.' Merle agreed but there was something hard in his voice that seemed to challenge him, making his brother look at him with a little look of surprise.

'Come on, bro.' Merle turned to go ungraciously, tugging Daryl with him. 'Let's help get that meat skinned and cookin' on the fire. Gonna have us a real good feast tonight.'

'We'll be out in a minute to help ya.' Rick offered.

'We can manage by ourselves.' Merle snapped and Rick drew back.

'Sorry, my brother's an ass.' Daryl apologised. 'Come on.' He practically dragged him with him.

When they were out of earshot, he made a 'What the fuck?' gesture at him.

'Well, fuck, that was weird.' Merle only said in explanation.

'What was?' Daryl looked at him with raised eyebrows.

'Didn't ya feel _it_? The weird father and son vibe?'

'No.' His brother effectively closed off the conversation and grabbed a squirrel from the skinning pile. Fathers and sons were always a touchy subject with him and for good reason. He looked over

at others already working on the buck and the younger kids of the group excitedly gathering wood fire.

'But still...' Merle followed his lead and started on his own squirrel.

'Well, of course it's gonna be weird between them. Rick just lost his wife and went loco for a while. Carl lost his Mom and they got a new baby to look after.

'Hmpf.' His brother snorted, clearly unconvinced.

Later, warm and sated, they went back to their tent on the edge of the camp, near the forest.

'Sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite, baby brother.' Merle called over to him after they got snuggled in their sleeping-bags.

'You too, brother.' He answered and turned his back to him.

Soon they were snoring.

….


	2. Chapter 2

In the morning, Carl rushed out of his tent as soon as it was dawn to go and get the water. When he got to the pump, he wiped his red, eyes that were grainy with exhaustion and sniffled as he filled the pail. He missed his Mom and Judith had kept the both of them up all night. Nothing made her stop crying – no matter whatever they did until his Dad had decided it was croup and given her some baby medicine. After that, she'd quietened down and they could some sleep. Or rather his Dad did but Carl couldn't. Lay there looking up at the tent ceiling, imaging every tread and rustle outside to be a Walker although they hadn't had any on their mountain camp yet. It was too cold for them up here, apparently and there was still plenty of rich pickings in the towns below. Besides, everyone knew you'd hear them coming at you mostly long before you saw them because of the inhuman moans and growls they always made.

But he still couldn't help being scared. He could only think of escape. Freeing himself from the burden of responsibility.

It wasn't that he hadn't damn near fallen in love with his cute baby sister , just like Daryl who called her 'Littl' Asskicker' had and it was apt name. She could stubbornly keep crying for hours. But that he just wanted to be a kid again and do kid stuff and not have to worry about things.

He didn't want to be a grown-gp when he hadn't even finished being a kid.

Feeling sorry for himself and hating himself for it, he wiped the tears from his eyes and bent to pick up the bucket that was now full of water. So he and his Dad could have a wash.

Dawn had barely touched the sky with her rosy fingers when he felt someone slip a hard, muscular arm around his shoulders. He nearly jumped out of his skin.

'Hey, kid.' Of course it had to be one of the Dixons – only they could creep up behind him as stealthily as a big cat. No-one else would be crazy enough to get up this early either.

He looked up at Daryl and went red to think that he saw his tears. He'd think he was a pussy for sure and then they wouldn't let him go hunting with them. He couldn't bear the thought of that – wanted Daryl to respect him and not treat him like a baby.

But instead of scolding him for crying, the younger Dixon looked at him with concern. 'Ya missin' ya Mama?'

'No!'

Daryl let him go and sighed. Moved to crounch down in front of him, holding his gaze. 'Ya know it's OK...My Mama died too when I was 8.'

Carl stared at him because the brothers rarely volunteered information about their past. But it was rumoured that Daddy Dixon had not been a good man.

'I'm sorry.' The boy replied automatically and politely.

'I heard these fire-engine sirens and suddenly my friends got on their bikes and started racing towards them. I didn't – didn't have no bike.'

Carl stared.

'We was dirt poor.' Daryl explained and laughed uneasily. 'Anyway, by the time I got there, I saw my house had been on fire and they were jus' puttin' it out. My Mom was inside.' He paused and looked away. 'She liked her cheap wine and smokes, did our Mama.'

'Well, at least ya didn't have to kill her after she was already dead!' Carl was suddenly furious and shoved the man away before he ran off. Not even looking back behind him.

'Carl!' Daryl called after him. He said something else but by then the boy was out of earshot.

Later on, when he had to deal with his Dad, Carl felt sorry for taking it out on Daryl, he liked him, he really did. He just couldn't stand people pretending that they knew what it was like. After all, his mother shouldn't have died – if the world hadn't gone to hell and the hospitals were still working.

It wasn't fair! It wasn't fair!

…

'Ya right. There's somethin' wrong with that boy and it ain't jus' the death of his Mama.' Daryl admitted to his brother when they were back in their tent that night.

'Told ya!' Merle was infuriatingly smug and Daryl reached around to not so playfully punch him.

'I think it's all too much for him, lookin' after his Dad and his littl' sister. Rick ain't still right – can see it in his eyes. Kid needs a break. We can teach him how to track properly,

'I don't mind as long as he don't scare away the food.'

'Fine. Night.'

'Night.'

Meanwhile, back in the Grimes family tent, Rick pulled his son closer to him. Carol had been considerate enough to offer to take Judith for the night and look after her. Leaving him some time to concentrate on his other child.

'Ya OK, son?' Rick ran his fingers gently through his boy's hair.

Carl froze. 'Fine.'

'I'm sorry about everythin' – I'm sorry the way things turned out. Mom dyin'...Ya havin' to step up an' all...and with me not bein' not myself...'

His son shrugged his hand off. 'It's fine, Dad.'

'I don't want ya to go huntin' with Daryl and his brother anymore. Can be dangerous...Not that I don't trust Daryl to take care of ya but I can't risk losin' ya as well.'

His son didn't answer but started to snore quietly. Rick sighed and turned on his side. When he heard him snoring, Carl's eyes snapped open.

He'd only been pretending. Hoping it wouldn't happen tonight.

He slept only about 2 hours the night before.

But at least it didn't happen.

The next two nights it did because Carol offered to take Judith again because she was enjoying having her so much.

...

'Come on, ya gotta eat, son.' Rick lifted a spoonful of porridge to his son's mouth, trying to feed him like he was a baby again. Carol - everybody's mother - bustled around, looking worried.

'No! Ain't hungry!' Carl jerked his head away, feeling embarrassed.

'You've lost too much weight as it is! Lose any more and you'll disappear, young man!' She added her exhortations to his father's.

'Yeah, she's right.' Maggie joined in. 'Ya'll get sick if ya don't eat! Don't do it to ya Dad!'

That got him. 'Why don't ya'll jus' leave me alone! Ain't none of ya business what I eat!' He screamed at them in fury and kicked the steaming bowl over as he stormed away towards the woods.

'Carl! Ya come back here and clear that up!' Rick roared after him but made no move to get up and chase after him.

Rick shook his head in despair. 'I don't know why he's actin' like this... I mean I can only keep givin' him so much slack because of what happened to Lori for so long. We're all grievin' her and we need to all pull together if we got a chance in hell of gettin' through this.'

Carl kept running and running until he could hardly breathe and he could hear his heart pounding in his chest. Trying to outrun his feelings of rage and helplessness. His Dad had been particularly bad last night and he had to stay up all night to 'look after him'. After a while, he'd fallen asleep but Carl couldn't – not for a long time.

It was true, he was losing weight – the nights of exhaustion and not eating...although he sometimes managed to snatch a couple of hours of uneasy doze here and there. If he hadn't been wearing his belt and hitched up his pants even tighter by cutting a _second _hole in it, they would have fallen off his shrunken hips.

Yet the thought of food made him nauseous – he had the sick suspicion that deep in the back of his mind, he didn't think he _deserved _to eat. Because he was bad, bad, BAD! No matter how much his father praised him and leaned on him. It didn't matter if everyone else used to think he was great, they couldn't see into his soul. How filthy and disgusting he was.

'Carl?' A voice called behind him. He had stopped and buried his face against a tree, shuddering. He didn't answer even though he recognised the voice, willing its owner away.

A heavy hand clamped on his shoulder.

'Don't touch me!' He snarled, not recognising himself any more. Did he really snarl?

He was relieved to feel the other person comply and the hand was removed.

'What's wrong, son?' Now the man was breathing hotly on the back of his neck. 'Ya can tell Uncle Merle. It's ya Daddy, ain't it?' The older's Dixon's tone was unusually gentle, crooning in fact. Carl knew he would tell him if he carried on talking to him in that sugary voice. Now he sounded like Daryl.

'Go away.' He muttered sullenly without any real conviction. Because one way or another, he wanted it to end.

He simply couldn't take any more. More than that, he had his sister to think of.

…

'Fuckin' asshole!' He screamed and smashed his fists into the tree so hard again and again that the bark splintered and his blood ran. 'I hate you! I fuckin' wish you'd died instead and not her!'

Somehow it made him feel better like now his pain was on the outside of him and it was visible in this body fluid running out of him. Now he could _see _it. Now he was being completely honest and not pretending just to keep the group together.

'Now, now.' He felt the man gently pull him away from the tree in a bear hug and whisper, his hot breath tickling his ear. 'I know ya angry but there ain't no need for that.'

'Let me go!' But he struggled in vain. The man was like a tower of steel, invulnerable. Relentless like a machine.

'Sh...Ain't gonna hurt ya none. Jus' calm the fuck down and _then _I'll let ya go.'

Carl forced himself to go limp and willed his heart thudding with panic to slow but the truth was, he wasn't afraid of this crude, brutal man. He knew he could be brutal.

He stopped struggling and the elder Dixon let him go. His mouth set in a grim line and looking down at him with strange expression.

No, this man didn't scare him.

He was more afraid of the gentle caresses and soft voice of his father whispering to him in the dark.


	3. Chapter 3

Carl slumped to the earth. He thought about running but he was just so tired – drained mentally as well as physically. The big man seemed to know his secret anyway.

'Tell me, son. It's OK.' Merle crouched down next to him. 'Ain't ya fault.'

Not bothering to deny that there wasn't anything wrong, he snapped, 'Why do ya care? Get off on it, do ya?'

Merle ignored the lashing out.

Carl opened his mouth to speak, calmer now. 'I'm sorry...Dad's in a real bad way after Mom, it ain't his fault...He...he...'

His voice hitched and he stammered. Could he actually say it in words? If he said his secret out loud then it would be real. At least if he kept silent, he could at least pretend it was all a bad dream. During the days, anyway.

'That's it. Just say it.' Merle pushed. 'I know anyway.' He added gently.

'Dad's ...he...um...he...'

He almost got it out, he was going to tell their secret. He was going to betray his father. He was going to ruin everything they built and destroy their world.

'Go on.'

Carl was on the verge of saying it out loud again when they were interrupted by the other Dixon brother.

'Great timing, ya stupid bastard!' Merle scolded his hapless brother who was catching up with them. He knew it wasn't Daryl's fault but he was frustrated, having just almost got the truth out of the kid.

Daryl stopped in his tracks. 'Wha...?' Looked between Carl and Merle in confusion and at their confidential poses. 'What's goin' on? What's he doin' here?'

'Why don't ya ask him?' His brother answered and that's when he saw Carl's bleeding hands.

'What happened? Ya hurt yaself?' He went over immediately to examine them.

That's when Carl found his legs. And his voice. 'Leave me alone! Dad's fine and I didn't mean nothin' I said!' He tried to make a run for it but the older Dixon got in his way and caught him easily.

'Get off me, motherfucker!'

Merle chuckled and held him pinned easily with one hand. 'Ya hear the tongue he's got on him? This here is Rick's son, can ya believe it?'

Carl spluttered in incoherent rage and fought to get free. It was true – he never used to be like this. So wild and aggressive. Out of control... He knew it – had felt himself changing as his anger grew.

'Merle...' Daryl warned. 'Stop it. Ya makin' things worse.'

With a dramatic flourish, the older Dixon let him go suddenly and he dropped to the ground. He just lay there in a dusty heap, glaring up at them. It would have been funny under different circumstances.

'Let me see.' Daryl went over and turning his head away, Carl let him examine his hands, turning them over. 'How did this happen?'

That's when Carl started to cry.

'Hey, what's wrong, little brother?' Daryl put his arms around him.

'I was tryin' to get it out of him when ya turned up and ruined everythin'!'

'Shut up, Merle. He don't need this. Why don't ya go and take a walk?'

Of course, Merle didn't take the hint. Carl looked up at them both, his lips trembling. His face too haunted and narrow for someone so young with black circles under his eyes.

Daryl tightened his arms about him. 'Is it ya Daddy? Is he sick again?'

'Ya could say that.' Merle muttered almost inaudibly under his breath, drawing a sharp look from his brother.

'I said too much already.' Carl got himself back under control. 'I've got to go. He'll be needin' me.'

'No ya don't.' Daryl pulled him back down gently.

'Tell him what he does to ya. It ain't gonna stop 'till ya start talkin'. Come on, spit it out, son.'

'Merle!' Daryl was horrified. 'What the fuck?' He mouthed at him.

Carl bowed his head. But he'd needed Merle to say it first, give him permission to talk about it in a a way. Let him know that he wouldn't be shocked because he already knew what he was going to say.

'He says he overheard Mom ask me to make that promise before she died. To...to take care of him and the baby if somethin' happened to her.'

Daryl rubbed his back. 'That don't sound too bad...' He said hopefully. He didn't like where this was going, Rick was his best friend and he looked up to and respected the man.

He was what he'd always wanted to be, had given him a sense of worth and self-respect. Yet if what his brother was hinting at was true, what did that say about him- Daryl?

'Shut up and listen to him.' Merle ordered harshly.

'He...He says she ain't around no more so I have to keep my promise.' Carl hung his head even lower than he had been doing already in shame.

There was a dead silence and he looked up and noticed the archer's confused expression. 'Don't ya get it?' His voice rose. 'He makes me take care of him like _she _did.' He clenched his fists.

Merle nodded. 'Is that what ya were tryin' to tell me, before we got interrupted, son?'

Daryl looked at his brother in sickened disbelief. 'Ya don't mean...? _Rick_?'

'Yeah, yeah he does. Don't ya, sonny?'

Carl gulped and nodded slowly, reluctantly.

'How far he gone with ya?' Daryl asked softly, petting his hair to keep him calm.

'First he jus' made me touch him then suck him off. But five nights ago, he went whole way.' Carl's mouth twisted in pain and he started to tremble violently. 'He tried to go slow and be gentle and used loads of lube but it still fuckin' hurt! And he did it to me again last night. It never gets any easier like he said it would and I can't take it anymore!'

'Sh...baby.' Daryl murmured and started to stroke back his hair soothingly. 'Sh...I know ya can't and ya shouldn't have to.'

_Sick fuck. How could he do it to his own kid? To any kid?_ He thought. 'He force ya?'

'Are ya fuckin' jokin'? Of course he did!' Merle was indignant that his brother asked such a stupid question. 'Don't ya remember what the ole man was like?'

His brother's eyes flung open wide. 'Merle...Shut up!' He jerked his head to the downcast boy who didn't even seemed to notice. Luckily. This was not the time or the place to air Dixon family secrets.

Carl started hesitantly. 'Not really...He says I can always say 'No' or 'Stop' and he will. But if I don't let him and don't 'look after him' and his _needs_, the stress might make him sick again and hurt Judith without meaning to. Not know what he's doin'.'

He paused and raised his haunted eyes at the both of them. Took a deep, shuddering breath and continued but they could tell that he was fraying at the edges.

'He says there's only us two left because she might not even be his anyway – Mom slept with Shane when we thought he was dead but he's willin' to love her jus' the same. But only if I let him...'

'He threatened her...He threatened a little baby!' Carl broke down again at that, began to really sob when he repeated what his father had said about his baby sister. Daryl hushed him, started rocking htem back and forth in a soothing rhythm. He was weeping for her as much as for himself. He realised now that he had to tell on his Dad...to protect his sister because if he could do those things to him and he was flesh and blood son for sure, what would he do to her when he wasn't sure she was his? Especially when she got breasts and legs... Probably even before that, maybe he wouldn't even need those...Telling himself that she was Shane's...

But he was telling the Dixons of all people. Wild men - rednecks his mother had warned him to stay away from. Yet they were the only ones he felt like he could tell and Merle had noticed and asked him outright. No-one else had. The only ones who would know what to do...who could help him. Make him feel safe...no wonder he'd been hanging around them, subconsciously he knew this. By telling him about his Dad, he told himself he was keeping his promise to his mother - to also take care of his sister. Protect her and a small part of his guilt for betraying his father receeded.

'Jesus! I had no idea Rick was...This is twisted, man!' Daryl mouthed over his head and even Merle looked shocked and there wasn't much that he hadn't seen or done but even he drew the line at the sick shit he was hearing. Threatening your son's baby sister? Just so you could fuck him?

'Maybe he wasn't until his wife died and he lost his mind.' Merle whispered over the boy's head. 'Now we know why he didn't want us to take him a-huntin'. He was afraid this would happen!'

He took a now calm and placid Carl by the shoulders and forced him to look at him. 'Then he did _force_ ya...he blackmailed ya and threatened ya sister.' Merle eyeballed him firmly. 'What else could ya do other than kill the sick fuck in his sleep?'

Carl glared at him with fire in his weepy, exhausted eyes and half-lunged at him across Daryl's lap. 'Don't ya talk about him like that! He's still my Dad!'

'Leave it, Merle.' Daryl got in between them and put his hands up as a barrier. 'The question is, what are we gonna do about it?'

Carl looked up at them with pathetic, pleading eyes. 'Please don't tell anyone...He's the leader and everythin' 'll fall apart without him.'

The brothers exchanged glances.

'Ya can't tell anyone!' He insisted.

'Sh...It'll be OK.' Daryl soothed.

'Don't worry, son. We ain't gonna cause no trouble.' Merle said.

'Much.' He added silently to himself.


	4. Chapter 4

Unthinkable 4

They sat there, looking at one another, Carl was again encircled in Daryl's arms.

'Well, what we gonna do?' Merle looked at him, then his brother. 'We can't let ya go back to him.'

Carl shrugged. 'Dunno. If people find out, they'll be hell to pay. Not sure I can stand them knowin'...the things I did.'

'Carl, it ain't ya fault and people would understand – they'd have to! Ya Dad's lost his mind.' Daryl reassured him. 'He made ya.'

Carl looked down at the ground and Daryl knew from personal experience that he would never really believe that. He'd always blame himself like he did everytime his Dad took his belt to him or put out his cigarettes on his back for stupid reasons. Once he beat him badly because he was nervous and spilled a few drops of his beer when he gave it to him. It wasn't quite the same though. Rick had done a lot worse and he didn't have a big brother to protect him sometimes.

'Can't ya say ya want ya own tent that ya old enough?' Merle suggested.

'He'll never go for that. He'll say that's not safe and he needs to help me look after Judith.'

Daryl shook his head. 'I still can't believe it. Are ya sure it's ya Dad and not someone else? Rick always seemed like such a decent guy...'

'Daryl, shut the fuck up!' Merle hissed at him, glaring at him with furious disbelief that he could be so stupid. 'How can ya ask him that? Of course he ain't got it wrong.'

Carl raised his head. 'Yeah...I could hardly believe it myself first time he threatened my sister and made me do stuff to him. Still think it's just all a bad dream sometimes during the day.'

'Ya not goin' back to him.' Merle lay a hand on his arm. 'Whatever he says.'

But Carl did and there was nothing they could do. Not with him pleading with his eyes at them to keep quiet. They were going to have to do something but they didn't know what. Meanwhile, they would respect his wishes.

Luckily, Judith was back with them that night and his father left him alone. But he knew something had happened – Carl seemed different somehow. His eyes narrowed in suspicion and he took his son by the arm.

'Ya OK, son?'

'What do ya think?' His son hissed back at him, tearing his arm away. 'Don't touch me.'

His father stared at him because he had never fought back before like that. He'd changed.

'Ya didn't tell anyone our little secret, did ya?' He whispered over the sleeping baby, his expression fraught. Even though Judith was too young to understand, he took precautions. Cop-habits die hard.

Carl didn't answer but turned his back on him. He'd carefully avoided Daryl and Merle although they'd tried to get him on his own to talk to him.

….

His father left him alone the next night and the one after that but then he handed Judith back to Carol again. She didn't mind, she liked having the baby. Rick told her that they both needed a break because she'd kept them up again and Carl was exhausted. She took in the the dark semi-circles under the boy's eyes with concern but at least he'd started eating more again.

Carl watched all this with a feeling of dread. His father would want 'taking care of' tonight for sure.

While Rick was distracted by delegating the dinner rota and deciding who was doing what when, he slipped off into the Dixons' tent. He hadn't wanted to arouse his suspicion that maybe he had told them since he'd been hanging around them so much of late and he had to choose his moment carefully.

Daryl was polishing his crossbow while Merle was reading a heavy book. On the psychology of jail inmates and Carl did a doubletake.

'Yeah, I _can _read, boy!' The older Dixon drawled at him sarcastically. 'What ya doin' here when we tried so many times to talk to ya. Ya OK?'

'I ...I couldn't get away. He asked me the other night if I told anyone.'

Daryl sat up at that. 'Did he touch ya again?'

Carl sank to the canvas floor shakily. 'No, not since we got back but today he gave Judith to Carol to look after and he had that look in his eye. The one that means he's horny.'

Daryl put a comforting arm around his shoulders and he leaned against him amd shuddered.

'Jesus.' Merle sighed and closed his book. 'That's twisted.

'Ya can't let it go on.' Daryl pressed him. 'It ain't right.'

'I don't know what to do. I wish you were my Dad.' He looked up at him from under his long, neglected fringe. Not to leave Merle out, he added 'And ya were my Uncle.'

Merle beamed despite himself and the situation.

'We can confront him for ya, if ya like. We'll do it privately without an audience.' His younger brother suggested.

'No! He's still my Dad whatever he's done. Probably jus' deny it anyway.'

Merle met his brother's eyes. Daryl didn't have any other solution either. It was true – most people in the camp would take the word of an ex-Sheriff over a Dixon's any day even if he was the Deputy. Old prejudices died hard.

It was a fucked up situation to be in. For all of them. The Dixons knew it but they didn't know what to do for the better.

'If he tries somethin', ya can always come here with us. Jus' get out of there, if ya can, ya promise?' Daryl gave him a little shake.

'OK.' Just then they heard Rick bellowing his name. There was an undertone of panic in his voice.

'I better go.' Carl sighed and unzipped the tent.

'Ya remember what I said.' Daryl called to him and he looked around. 'Ya'll always be safe here.'

'Look after yaself.' Merle added.

The teenager didn't reply and turned around and practically ran out of the big three-man tent.

They heard Rick's 'Where have ya been? I was worried 'bout ya. What ya doin' with _them_ again?' Daryl knew that he was shaking him by the arm even though he couldn't see.

'Nothin', Dad.'

Then their sharp ears picked up what he hissed at his son next, 'I _told _ya to stay away from them. They're busy.'

Carl didn't say anything. He rarely answered his father back in public.

'Fuck you very much.' Merle growled. 'Ya hear that shit?'

'We gotta do somethin'. It's a fuckin' shame...I still can't believe Rick would do that and we're jus' sittin' back doin' nothin'.'

Merle growled his agreement with his brother's opinion. It was very un-Dixon-like to do nothing, wait and watch and consider the best course of action.

….

During dinner, Carl only picked at his food.

'Come on, it's rabbit. Ya favorite.'

'I ain't hungry.' He glared up at his father.

'Well, I am.' Rick smirked back at him and wolfed down his. 'Ya not a kid anymore, I guess ya can make ya own decisions.'

'Too right I can! And I want my own tent!'

People looked at each other and the conversation died down.

'Now, we already spoke about this. Ya too young...and I need ya to help me take care of ya sister. Ya have responsibilities now, son.'

'But ya jus' said I wasn't a kid anymore!'

'Ya still not an adult!'

'What do ya care about Judith? Ya said she might not even be yours...'

There were audible gasps of shock. Andrea covered her mouth and goggled at the scene playing out before them. Many people had heard the rumours that Lori had cheated on him with Shane but it had never been said out loud in the open like this.

'That doesn't mean I don't love her jus' as much as I love you.' His father was infuriatingly calm and unflappable.

'Liar! Ya don't give a shit about her or me!' Not for the first time, Carl kicked his bowl of food over and stormed off. To the woods.

Rick shrugged and let him go, now looking a little flustered as he blushed. 'Kid's at a funny age.'

Carol gaped at him. 'Isn't anyone goin' to go after him? It's dark and there might be Walkers out there.' Although they hadn't seen one come up this far up the mountain since they got there.

'I'll go.' Daryl and Merle said together at the same time and got up.

That got Rick worried. 'No, I better. He's my son, my responsibility. And I'm the one he's pissed at.'

'Ya sure that's a good idea? Maggie frowned. 'Seems like the worst thing to do if he just needs some space.'

The Dixons looked at each other. Both of them badly wanted to confront Rick but they had to hold back for Carl's sake. Watching him put on the concerned father act both had their blood boiling.

'What was all that about?' People were talking as soon as Rick ran off in the direction where Carl was heading and was out of earshot. The boy was walking slowly and he was easy to spot in the twilight with his flashlight. He didn't go anywhere without it – it was one of the rules that they carry theirs on them as soon as it got dark. Until there were no more batteries to be had, that was.

'Can you believe what he said to Rick? If he was my son, I'd paddle his ass black and blue. Then again, Rick don't know if Judith's his but he doesn't treat her any different, as far as we can see.'

'Shut the fuck up, all of ya!' Merle roared. 'Ya don't know shit. Jus' a bunch of stupid sheep baaing for a leader to tell ya what to do. Can't ya see what's happenin' right in front of ya eyes? Rick's been...'

'Merle! Shut up! Now's not the time!' His brother hissed at him and pulled him away.

'The show's over, people!' Daryl eyeballed the circle around the campfire. 'Go back to ya tents while we sort this out.' Most people started to clear away and leave, even though some grumbled and muttered discontently. The younger Dixon had authority as Rick's second-in-command. When he wasn't there, Daryl was the one in charge.

'Who made ya the boss?' A heavy-set man, a recent new-comer who arrived without a family. Or anyone. Not really a surprise.

'Because I'm the Deputy around here. So get ya fat ass back inside.'

Dirk stood up, insulted. 'Who ya callin' fat ass, ya redneck piece of shit?'

Daryl lunged at him but was held back by his brother. 'Leave it. He ain't our priority.'

'I'll be watchin' ya.' Daryl gestured with two fingers jabbing at his eyes and then pointed them at his. He didn' t like the new guy – not one bit. Always had a can in his hand and was as lazy as a bear coming out of his winter sleep. Didn't contribute anything.

…

Carl started walking faster when he heard someone coming after him. He'd hoped it was the Dixon brothers but then he heard his Dad's voice and he got scared.

'Carl! Ya stop right there. Ya ain't in any trouble, son. I'm not angry.' But he was and his son wasn't fooled. He could hear the undercurrent of rage in his voice although he spoke calmly. His cop voice, he used to call it.

'Fuck off!' The boy was in full-panic mode now. He didn't know what his father would do to him if he let him catch him...Rick was so unpredicatable these days and just like he'd admitted to him one night, 'He wasn't himself.' He'd never ever laid one hand on him even when he was younger and had been a real brat but he couldn't bank on that. Especially after the things he'd said to him _in public. _The Grimes family had always been about protecting their reptuation and not airing their dirty washing out in the open for everyone to see, his Dad had been the Sheriff after all. Always had to set a shining example and now Carl had just gone and blown his in fornt of everyone.

The most unforgiveable, cardinal sin in their family that couldn't be taken back.

But he couldn't outrun his father, whose long strides were rapidly catching up with him. He cursed himself for switching on the flashlight out of habit. If he hadn't done that...

'I mean it, son. Ya don't have to be scared. I'm not angry, jus' wanna talk, is all.' But again, he detected that thin undertone of menace in his father's voice. He was furious enough to kill him.

He didn't wast energy replying as he desperately tried to escape. He thought about climbing up a tree. He had just picked one in front of him when he felt himself slammed into it, face first.

'Gotcha, ya piece of shit. What did ya think ya were doin' back there, huh?'

He was whirled around and didn't even see his father's fist flying into his face. But he drew his breath back in shock. He had never called him things like that before.

Then the pain struck him and he saw stars.

'What did ya say to me? In front of _everybody_? I'm ya father!'

Another spark of pain hit him in the solar plexus. He couldn't even breathe as the agony flooded his body and he bent over.

'How dare ya disrespect me like that! I'm their leader for fuck's sake...'

A well-aimed kick had his knee buckle until he was yanked back upright. Pain was shooting up and down his leg. He moaned but was too shocked to cry.

'What did ya tell 'em? Ya tell 'em about _us_?'

'No! Didn't say nothin'!' He didn't know what else to do but lie and maybe he would stop.

Rick chuckled, a harsh, cynical sound he'd never heard before. It was true, this wasn't his father beating the crap out of him, it was a demon who had possessed his body instead.

'Guess I'm gonna have to hit ya where it doesn't show now. Shouldn't have marked up ya face...'

'Dad...' He gasped. 'Please.' And like the other thing he did to him, he could hardly believe this was happening. Apart from the shooting pain, that was.

'Dad...I'm sorry!' He drew back his fist slowly and Carl had time to duck before it hit the bark where his upper body had been.

'Get off him.' It was Daryl's voice and suddenly his father was pulled back away from him and Merle was in front of him, shielding him from Rick.

'Ya OK, son?' He touched his face gingerly. 'Looks like Daddy-O really did a number on ya. Ya hurt anywhere else?'

Carl nodded. Merle gently pulled up his shirt, drawing a hiss of pain from him and looked him over.

He heard sounds of fighting and scuffling. 'Ya ain't never gonna live this down, Rick! We know what ya've been doin' to him!' Daryl was roaring at his father. But Rick wasn't answering. Suddenly he was afraid for him and ignoring the pain in his knee, he dodged around Merle to see him on the ground, curled up in a foetal position and the other Dixon kicking him.

'Don't like it when they can fight back, do ya? Look at ya now, ya fuckin' coward!'

Rick groaned, didn't even bother trying to get up and fight back.

'Dad!...No, don't!' Carl tried to grab the back of his vest to stop him but Merle held him back.

'Let me go! Don't hurt him!' He struggled.

Daryl either didn't hear or chose to ignore him. 'And people call _us _scum!' Another vicious kick to his stomach. Rick clutched his middle and let out a long, low moan of agony.

'Daryl, stop it! Ya'll kill him!' Now it was his own brother warning him off.

He sensed him smirk but he did back off. Almost reluctantly.

'Come on, boy. Ya sleepin' with us tonight.' Merle grabbed his arm.

'Dad...' He could hear him moaning on the floor and looked over his shoulder. 'We can't jus' leave him...'

'Don't worry about him. He'll be OK. ' Daryl came up on his other side and together they helped him along. He couldn't put any weight down on his leg now that the adrenalin had worn off and he hurt all over.

'It fuckin' hurts.' He groaned. 'He never hit me before.'

'I know, I know. Got something for that inside. Come on.' Merle pulled him along.

As they came back to the camp, some people poked their faces outside their flaps and shone their torches onto the three of them.

'Go back to bed, will ya?' Daryl told them with a look of thunder fierce enough to discourage any questions. 'Ain't nothin' to look at.'

'Where's Rick?' Dale was brave enough to ask and then he gasped in horror. 'Did he do that to Carl?' At least he didn't immediately assume that one of the Dixons or both had beaten him up.

Merle sighed. 'He's back there if ya wanna go and get him.' He jerked his head back in the direction of the woods without answering his other question.

'Did ya...kill...Is he OK?' Carol had got out of her tent and was standing outside with Judith in her arms. Looking at the boy with concern but sadly, not so much shock. Her ex-husband had been violent. Yet, it must have been a shock to think that such a gentle man like Rick used to be – someone who rarely even raised his voice - could behave in the same way.

'He'll live.' Merle's answer was snappish and indifferent. 'But he's lost his fuckin' mind.'

'I meant Carl. Ya OK, honey?'

Carl shrugged and tried to smile.

'Why did he do that to him?'

'Why don't ya go and ask him? If ya ain't scared.' Merle challenged her.

She didn't answer but called out loudly, 'Is anyone gonna help me go and get him?'

A couple of men came out of their tents with their torches to go and fetch him.

'Great.' Daryl muttered as they let Carl go and helped him into their tent. 'I was tryin' to sneak us back in without them seein' and now we got all their questions to answer.'

'I hate it. Them lookin' at me like that – like they feel sorry for me. Like my Dad's a monster.'

Carl was embarrassed and naturally not enjoying being the centre of attention.

'Ain't he?' Merle looked at him quizzically. 'Here, take these.' He handed him a couple of unmarked pills.

'What are they?'

'Somethin' for the pain and to calm ya down so ya can sleep.'


	5. Chapter 5

Rick continues to become even more deranged, not just endangering Carl anymore.

Rick

I came to, wondering where I was. My face was pounding and my whole body ached. Why was I lying down on the floor of the forest?

I sat up and rubbed my pounding head. I remembered something, Daryl yelling at me and kicking me as I lay on the floor, not even defending myself.

Why had I let him attack me like that and not even fought back? I was a coward, a door-mat.  
I shook my head as the memory hit me! Carl! I hit him – beat him up real bad but I couldn't even remember why. 'Carl, I'm so sorry.' I said out loud to no-one in particular and let out a couple of sobs. 'I didn't mean to hurt you. Forgive me, son.' My head was all fuzzy and I couldn't focus and my eyes were blinded with tears. 'I would never hurt you.'  
When I heard them shouting for me and coming my way, that got me going and forced me to get control over my emotions.

I knew I shouldn't let them catch me – they were my enemies. Then I saw something white moving in the gloom, something luminous, standing out in the dark and there she was, beckoning to me. She turned round then and put her finger on her lips and motioned me to follow.

I did without question.

Behind me, mixed in with the shouts (sounding angry) of my name, I heard the high wailing of a baby. I nearly went back then because who was looking after Judith?

She shook her head at me. She didn't speak, of course, she couldn't, she was dead. But I heard her voice clearly enough in my head. 'Don't worry, baby. Judith's fine. They'll take care of her.'

Without thinking over it, I staggered after her. 'I'm comin', Lori.' Seeing her again was like a dream come true.

She turned and gracefully led the way and I followed.

…

Stan and Drew came back to camp and the Dixons could hear their conversation. 'Dunno where he's gone, he's jus' disappeared. We saw his boot – must be runnin' around out there with only one shoe on.

'Did ya try to follow his tracks?' That was Carol's voice.

'Couldn't see any, too dark. Pity we didn't have the Dixons with us.'

'Well, maybe they can try tomorrow. We got to get him back.' She said.

Merle cocked his ear. 'Ya hear that, little brother?' He was whispering even though the sleeping boy with them had passed out pretty quickly from the sedatives he'd given him. One stone to kill two birds, he'd told Daryl afterwards, one for the pain he was in and two to keep him calm.

'Good riddance.' Daryl was sleepy. 'Not like we need him. I ain't wastin' time lookin' for that worthless scumbag. Not after everythin' he did to Carl. How could he to his own son?'

The boy stirred and moaned in his sleep and Daryl reached over to brush back his fringe of his face. 'Sh...'

Merle chuckled. 'Shit, ya make a really good nursemaid, Darlena. Ya sure ya balls are still there?' He leered at him and grabbed his own to prove his point.

'Screw ya.' Daryl snarled over his shoulder. 'He's been to hell and back, poor kid.'

'Yeah. And maybe I can turn into Mary Poppins and we can adopt him.'

Daryl chuckled, despite himself.

'Night.' Merle turned his back to his brother and was soon snoring like a hog.

Daryl followed suit but more quietly.

….

The next day, Carl woke up at noon alone and startled when he saw where he was, surrounded by the unfamiliar boots and hunting gear – not his and his Dad's and Judith's stuff. But then he lay back and smiled even though his body began to throb to remind him what had happened with his Dad the night before. Yet there was a delicious, warm feeling of relief spreading through him.

Because he was _safe_. But where was his Dad?

As if reading his mind, Merle popped his head in the tent. 'Ya awake, Fairy Princess? Ya slept all mornin'.'

'Yeah...' Carl yawned and stretched. 'Head hurts though and the rest of me.'

Merle's face darkened and reached into his pocket to toss him a couple of pills...different to the ones he'd given him last night.

The boy picked them up and examined them carefully. 'I don't want to do drugs...'

'Ain't drugs. Jus' painkilllers. Trust me and take'em, son.' Merle even handed him his water canteen and watched him swallow.

'Where's Dad? Did he come back?' Carl's voice quavered slightly.

Merle's expression darkened. Opened his mouth to answer then Daryl poked his head in too next to him. 'Good, ya awake.'

'Where' s my Dad?' Carl asked a little more anxiously this time. 'Is he OK?'

'He's disappeared. When they went back to bring him here, he was gone.'

'Ya did this!' He was suddenly furious and flew at the younger Dixon, fists flying. 'He's gone because of you!'

'Whoa, boy. Don't ya remember what he did to ya?' Merle dragged him off him. 'He was beatin' the shit out of ya! My brother stopped him.'

Carl shook him off and lowered his head. 'I'm sorry.'

'It's OK. Now why don't ya go and see ya baby sister? Carol's lookin' after her.' Daryl suggested. 'Cheer ya up.'

He smiled but then his face fell. 'But my face...people will see...'

'Ya can't worry about that.' Merle said. 'And live ya life avoidin' people. Ya didn't do nothin' wrong.'

'Ya right. Why not let everyone see that my Dad beat the crap out of me last night?' Carl's tone was sarcastic and bitter. But he got up and trying to avoid eye-contact with anybody, he made his way across the site to her tent.

'Hi.' Carl said when she met him.

'Hi. Ya OK?' That was all she said about his injuries at first. Didn't stare at him like he had two heads after all.

He shrugged. 'How's Judith?'

'Jus' look at her.' She was squirming and holding out her arms to him. 'She wants her big brother.'

Carl smiled and took her gently from her and sat down on a pink cushioned chair in her trailer. She was the only one who didn't live in a tent except for Herschel who had set up a kind of makeshift Infirmary in another mobile home. Probably when it got colder, they would all try to find warmer accommodation. She giggled and pulled on his hair. 'Ow!' He cried and she giggled.

He reached down and breathed in her baby-clean smell before he looked back up at Carol. 'Do ya know where my Dad went? Daryl lost it and beat him up last night.'

He wondered if he should have told her that but she nodded gently and didn't comment on Daryl's business. Or ask him what happened. That's what made him feel so relaxed around her.

'No but I'm sure he'll be back for you and Judith.' He shivered at that and it wasn't lost on her.

'What are you keepin' back? I know it's not the whole story.' She suddenly asked him.

He shrugged. 'I guess I shouldn't have said those things to him.' He dandled his sister on his lap and buried his face in her hair to hide his expression. She babbled, didn't have any recognisable words yet.

'But he hit ya pretty hard, didn't he? There's no excuse for that.' She reached out to touch his face but he recoiled.

'Sorry.' He mumbled.

'Carl...What are ya ain't tellin' me, honey? I know ya told Daryl and his brother and they're helpin' you.' Her voice was soft and understanding. He'd tell her _everything _his Dad did to him if he stayed and let her hypnotise him with that voice.

He turned his head away to hide his tears and sniffed. 'I should go.' He got up abruptly, handed Judith back to her and left. She babbled at him and stretched her arms towards him.

'Carl...It's alright. Don't go.' She called after him but he left, slamming the door.

…

'Ya gonna go and look for my Dad?' He demanded of the Dixons when he returned to their tent.

'I 'spose we can, while we go huntin'.' Merle replied. 'Drag his sorry hide back here.'

Daryl threw him a hard look.

Carl didn't react. 'If ya find him, I want to be there. I need to talk to him before anyone else.'

But when they came back to the camp, they returned empty-handed. Then they heard the raised voices. Panicky sounded.

'Daryl.' Carol came running, empty-handed at him as soon as she spotted them. 'Is Rick with ya? Did ya find him?'

'No, why?'

'Because Judith's gone. I turned my back for a second, I swear – came back in and she disappeared!'

Carl took in what she was saying with a sinking heart.

'I'm sorry, so sorry!' She kept repeating. His chest felt like it had a lead balloon in it that was sinking to the bottom of his feet.

'Ya think my Dad's got her? No! When?'

About half-an-hour ago.'

'Then we got time to find him. Let's go.'

'Calm down, kid.' Merle put a steadying hand on his shoulder. 'We'll find'em.'

'We can't waste a second! We need to get after him!'

'Why did he take her? He wouldn't hurt her, would he? She's his daughter!' Carol gabbled frantically, clutching at straws.

'That's not what he says!' Carl yelled at her and the colour left her face, making him immediately regret it and he spoke his next words more calmly. 'Did he take any of her stuff with him? Are her toys and blankets gone? She can't sleep without Blackie. (Blackie was Judith's favourite toy – a black puppy dog)

'He...he didn't have time to get them, if it was him. He's left all of that. I told ya I was distracted for a second!' Carol was distraught now.

'Ya don't get it, do ya?' He glared at them all in turn. 'He's gone batshit crazy, he doesn't have any baby milk or diapers, not her toys or blankets...She could die of starvation or from the cold at night!'

'Carl, calm down, son.' Herschel had been listening to all this. 'Getting in a state don't help anyone.'

'Let's go.' Daryl rounded up everybody. 'Supper's cancelled until we get her back safe and sound.'

He didn't add what he was thinking, _Rick can go to hell for all I care_ -he thought that might not be appropriate.

Nobody grumbled and even Dirk looked worried enough and didn't argue.

To be fair, everyone rallied around and the Dixons divided them up into search parties and delegated probably search directions, making sure everybody had torches. 'Any idea from which direction he may have come from?' Daryl asked Carol. She shook her head.

'Probably from there.' Carl pointed to a gap in the forest behind her trailer.

'If ya find him, the priority is Judith. We're pretty sure he's got her so don't fight him if ya don't have to. Grab the baby or if he's in the way, try to negotiate but don't set him off.' Daryl told the search-parties. 'Rick's lost it again.' There were a few gasps of dismay from some people who somehow had missed out on the events of last night.

'Right, let's go. We're losin' the light, people!' He led his search party away headed by Carl in the direction pointed out by Carol while his brother led his group in the other direction.


	6. Chapter 6

Unthinkable 6

i

Carl

I ran alongside Daryl in the direction I knew my crazy Dad had gone in.

'Don't worry, we'll find her.' He spoke to me sideways while we jogged.

I didn't reply. The thumping in my chest seemed loud – so loud that everyone must be able to hear it. But nobody said anything.

'Can ya think of anywhere he might have gone?'

My head snapped up then and the others behind us looked at me. 'Ya know the place by the lake where people went swimming He used to take me there in the summer sometime.'

'Right. Let's go there then!' Daryl bellowed and picked up the pace.

We jogged there, most of the people keeping up. Even Dirk. It seemed like everyone really wanted to find her – she was only a baby after all.

We made our way as fast as we could, not encountering any Walkers along the way. Keeping an eye out left and right for my Dad.

Just before we got to our summer cabin, Daryl turned around with a finger to his lips and motioned us back except for a couple of the heavy-set guys who used to work in security in their old life. They drew out their weapons and he got his crossbow ready.

'You too, kid.'

'No – I want to come! I don't want ya to hurt him!'

'How can ya say that?' He hissed at me glancing around at everyone else. His tone said _After everything he's done to you, why would you care?_

'I ain't a kid no-more! I can help! He'll listen to me!'

'OK, OK! But stay behind me, right?'

'Fine.'

...

But it turned out all this was for nothing because when he kicked open the door and we flooded in, there was no -one there. The cabin was empty.

'There's one other place we can try.' I volunteered.

'Where?''

'The caves. Ya ever been in them?'

He looked surprised. 'No.' Other people shook his heads so it turned out that it was probably a place only me and Dad went. We'd never seen anybody there.

It didn't mean that no-one else knew about them though from the other seach-parties.

We made our way almost silently there. Most people were too subdued and worried to feel like chatting.

After about an hour's walk (I wondered where the other groups had ended up and if they'd had any better luck but the walkie-talkie in Daryl's hand never crackled so I guessed not) we got there and Daryl motioned me to get behind him. With a couple of the ex-bouncers either side of him with guns fully drawn.

I nodded because I _felt _my Dad's presence in there. Maybe Judith's too. Maybe us having got so intimate had something to do with the way I could sense him.

'He's in there. For sure.' I whispered to the Dixon.

He nodded and gesturing again for silence behind us we slipped in the narrow entrance.

I saw him before anyone...shivering and muttering. Holding a bundle which I hoped was my baby sister. He'd built a small fire and was huddled near it, muttering to himself.

But she wasn't crying or moving.

'D...Dad?'

I whispered and Daryl hissed and yanked me behind him.

'Rick.' He addressed him.

'That ya, Carl?' My Dad's head snapped up as he ignored the others trooping behind us and the armed men either side to us.

Just then, to our relief, my sister gave a sharp yell and and he held her tighter to him. 'Hush...'

'Dad...'

Daryl cut in. 'Jus' give me the baby, Rick. She's hungry.' He spoke to him gently and Dad seemed to notice him for the first time.

Everyone else just watched, waiting and the suspense was palpable.

Just then Daryl's walkie-talkie crackled and he picked it up. 'Yep. We found them – both alive. 'Thanks for ya help.'

'Rick...Jus' hand her over and come back with us. We'll take ya to Herschel and get ya some help, how does that sound?'

He looked up at up and narrowed his eyes while he cradled my sister protectively to him.

Before he lunged at him but stopped short and the heavies on either side of us trained their guns on him, making people gasp. 'No! I ain't givin' her to you!'

Daryl sighed.

'Let me try.' I whispered to the Archer.

'Dad.' I went to him and knelt down next to him. 'It's OK.'

'I know it is.' He reached out to ruffle my hair and I had to resist the urge to cringe away when before I used to love being touched by him. But the old familiar safety was gone – probably gone forever.

'My sweet boy.' He crooned and shook his head mournfully. 'I'm so sorry for losin' it last night...For not bein' there and expectin' too much of ya...' He stroked my cheek fondly. It made my skin crawl.

I gritted my teeth.

'Dad...I want to hold Judith. Can I?'

'Why, sure ya can. Ya her big brother.'

I reached over and everyone held their breaths until I had her safely in my arms. I was worried about her physical condition.

'Go.' Daryl ordered me. 'You...you...and you...go with him. Get her to Herschel.'

'Daryl...Don't hurt him, OK? He's sick.'

He smirked at me. 'Don't worry about him. Think ya should be more worried about Judith, don't you?' His meaning wasn't lost on me.

'Anyone got any water?'

Someone handed me a canteen and I gave my sister some water. She glugged it down gratefully

I glanced back just long enough to see Daryl handcuff my Dad's hands behind him as I strode back to camp as quickly as I could with most of my team.

They clapped me on my back and cheered. Happy that the baby - who'd become the mascot of the group was safe and sound. As far as I could tell, my sick-fuck father hadn't hurt her when I checked her over briefly.

Not that I could tell them that he'd threatened to. I wondered if they would still feel sorry for him if they knew that or the things he'd forced on me.

_Good old Rick – so gentle, so decent. He wouldn't do things like that! Fuck his own son? No way!_

I allowed myself to feel angry when I'd pushed those feelings aside.

…

We got back safely, Dad being hustled along behind us. I could hear him shout occasionally and swear and I knew how he must hate having his hands restrained when it had been his job to cuff crimminals when he was a cop. I rushed as quickly as I could to Herschel's tent. He checked her over with his new assistant – a trained nurse who joined the group a few weeks ago. She was young, blonde and pretty, her name was Lucy.

'She OK?' I gabbled.

'Nothin' wrong with her. Jus' a little dehydrated and hungry, is all. She'll be right as rain after a good feed.' He answered. 'We best keep her here jus' for tonight, though.'

'How's ya Dad?' Lucy asked.

I knew she was really asking _How are you getting along? Why did he beat you up? _'They put him in jail.' Jail was a wooden hut that was used for a storeroom. Apart from the odd drunken bust-up, we'd never had to use it.

'Ya gonna go and see him?'

I shrugged. I didn't really want to see my Dad, not tonight anyway. I was looking forward to having our tent to myself – I'd sleep really well for once.

'Hey, Herschel, what do ya think's wrong with him?'

He looked at me properly in the face for the first time tonight, so it seemed. 'I ain't qualified to say...but this psychotic break from reality, the irratic behaviour...'

I shivered.

'What's gonna happen to him?'

'We can try some drugs we got here...But it could be dangerous.'

_Not as dangerous as he can be. _I thought and sighed when I heard this. 'Thanks. Night.'

….

I couldn't believe it when they said he'd come out of it and reinstated him as the leader a few days later. Herschel just said it had been a blip – that as long as we kept an eye on him, he should be OK. No need for medication. After all, he hadn't hurt the baby.

_Yeah – but he hurt me_. I felt like screaming at them but instead, I said nothing.

….

The next morning before dawn, I didn't go visit the 'jail' even though I knew it would look funny to some people and went straight to the Dixons' tent.

I didn't announce my presence. I wanted to see how the brothers were when they thought they were alone.

I peeked in and giggled. Merle was snoring like a hog – I could hear him a long way from the tent first and Daryl was doing the same but his noises were a little more refined.

I crawled in between their sleeping-bags and drew the spare blanket over me. Daryl grunted and slung an arm around me in his sleep and I snuggled into his side. Feeling safe, it reminded me of getting into Mom and Dad's bed before the world went to hell and I fell asleep again and woke up refreshed, when they did.

They nearly jumped out of their skins when they saw me.

'Jesus fucked!' Merle hissed but I knew him well enough to know that he was secretly pleased. 'Ya our shadow now, boy?'

I laughed and Daryl tickled my stomach. That always drove me crazy – Dad used to do that too and that memory made me feel sad.

Merle chucked me under the chin. 'Cheer up, boy. Now everyone knows he's crazy and ya won't have to live with him anymore.'

'Merle!' Daryl warned.

I shrugged. 'What am I gonna do? Everyone know he beat me up and he's locked up in jail. But when he gets out...'

'If he gets out..., ya mean...'

'What if they let him become the leader again?'

'I'll say that he ain't ready... '

'Carl – ya need to tell'em what he's been doin' to ya.'


	7. Chapter 7

**Unthinkable 7**

i.

Carl

They kept on at me to tell, especially after Herschel pronounced Dad fit – well as well as he could be on medication three days later. He admitted that he wasn't qualified to decide but he was the best we had.

He looked at me, the barely visible bruise that had mostly faded on my face and hissed.

'Did I do that?' He reached out to touch it but I shied away from his hand.

'I'm sorry.' He apologised. I turned my back on him without a word.

'I'm sorry!' My father called back to me but I ignored him.

'Fuck you.' I hissed under my breath. I didn't care that people would notice.

That night I slept with the Dixons with Daryl's arm around me, making me feel safe. I knew Dad wouldn't dare come into their tent and Carol had insisted on taking Judith to give us a chance to spend some quality time together.

Carol and Andrea gave me funny looks. 'What ya doing with them and not ya Dad?' Andrea asked me constantly. 'Seriously, why are you spending so much time with _Merle_? Daryl's a good man but his brother's bad news.'

'Stay away from him.' Carol warned. 'Look, I know ya still angry with ya Dad but ya got to learn to forgive him. He's in pieces!'

_He's in pieces? _I bit back the words and didn't say out loud. He beat the shit out of me when he'd never raised a hand to me before -not once my whole life- and I could be a real mouthy brat sometimes. Worse than that, he'd endangered my baby sister. Threatened her and that wasn't the worst what he did to me.

I didn't think there was any danger of him trying that shit with me again, I could see it in his eyes that he hated himself for what he made me do. He never tried to threaten Judith again anyway because I never gave him the chance.

He'd apologised to me in front of the group at the meeting for 'losin' himself momentarily' -so he called it. For attacking me and kidnapping' his own daughter' and begged me to forgive him. Yet I saw the cynical gleam in his eye...He'd planned this, his own public humiliation to get at me and what could I do? I nodded and said 'I forgive you.' He hugged me and everyone clapped while I felt like my lunch would come up.

'Just a blip.' I could almost hear them thinking. _Good Ole Rick - losin' his wife in childbirth like that and with the strain of leading and keeping the group safe. It wasn't his fault._

I felt like screaming when he hugged me, his self-conscious, preening display made me feel sick to my stomach.

He disgusted me when before I'd only felt love and admiration for the man and wanted to be like him. Now I fantasised about killing him. The only ones who noticed that I wasn't into this whole corny father and son make-up chirade were the Dixon brothers, I heard Daryl snarl and step forward but Merle put a hand on his arm to stop him.

Everyone else was so busy rejoicing that their Beloved Leader was back that they didn't hear.

As soon as I could get away, I approached them and we went off into the woods apparently to go hunting. My father let us go but I could tell he was happy. Not least because he sensed that I couldn't wait to get away from him.

'Jesus!' Merle exclaimed as soon as we were out of earshot. 'Makes me sick that did.'

'And me too.' Daryl agreed quietly.

'Ya gonna be OK, kid? He ain't touched ya again, has he?'

'No.' I looked at Merle. 'What if he did what he did jus' 'cos he wasn't right in the head?'

'Don't ya believe it. It's jus' an excuse, people like him never change. Be careful.'

Daryl paused, stopping us in our tracks where we were tracking some spoor on tree-trunks. I could read the signposts left by squirrels and other animals by now. 'Listen. He ain't ever gonna change, I'm sorry to tell ya. That's why ya gotta tell the rest of 'em.'

'They won't ever believe me!'

They will. It'll be a shock for them at first. But we'll make them believe.' Daryl tucked a strand of hair behind my ear like my Dad used to – back in the days when I let him.

'You?' I looked at them doubtingly. I didn't mean to be rude or ungrateful but...'I can't do that to him. Besides, he's left me alone so far.'

They let it go. But I couldn't sleep with them that night, I had to go back to Dad with all eyes on me and to help take care of Judith now that he insisted on looking after her. I could tell that people thought it was weird that I chose the Dixons' tent to go to, probably thought I was still scared of my father.

He acted normal and we didn't say a word about what we used to do. He just kissed Judith on the forehead and fed her. I almost thought he really cared about her and no longer blamed her for Mom's death. Most telling of all, he kept a big distance between us which made me relieved and sad at the same time.

I missed the closeness of the Dixons and Daryl's arm around me.

So we carried on like normal except he didn't touch me like he used to. As if he knew it would freak me out or maybe he was afraid that it would turn into something else.

I felt myself starting to relax around him.

Big mistake.

…

A few days later...

They both looked at me.

'I...I can't...Please don't make me.' Using the exact same words I'd begged my father last night for nothing and I started to cry like a pussy again – couldn't help it and Daryl told me to shush and wrapped his arm around me. But Merle got in my face and gripped it – hard, I couldn't help but recoil.

'Merle! Ya scarin' the poor kid!' He yanked me away from his brother.

'Listen, son. If ya don't tell, we will and to hell with what the group thinks or thinks it needs. Ya a boy who's gettin' fucked by his own father. He ain't never gonna change not after he started. Time ya faced up to the truth, Carl.'

I turned away from him and buried my face in Daryl's shoulder. I knew I was acting like a little kid but I was helpless to stop myself as the tears fell and my chest heaved.

'Now look what ya done!' He hissed at his older brother.

'No use pussy-footin' around it or sugar-coatin' it. The boy's gotta face up to reality.'

'We're gonna give ya until tomorrow, kiddo before we tell Carol. We promise we won't tell anyone else but she'll know what to do.' He continued.

'No! Ya can't!' The way he was trying to force me into a corner, giving me an ultimatum made me furious but the anger was better than the pain. Anything was better.

'I can't do _what_?' He smirked at me but at least I stopped crying.

'It's my problem and I'll tell when I'm ready!'

'Whoa.' He put up his hands mockingly. 'It's OK.'

'He's right, Merle.' His brother stopped petting my hair long enough to snarl at him.

'Fine. We'll give ya _24 hours_.'

I bowed my head.

Things went from bad to worse before that though and I didn't tell.

…

I felt like I was always under the Dixons' watchful eyes...Everywhere I went, they were there.

I followed my father into the woods, he made us do it there these days, especially when we had Judith at night, it was like he couldn't get enough of me. Holding my sister over me as a threat. Despite appearances, he didn't give a shit about her but was able to act the perfect, doting father in front of the others.

Not for the first time, I thought about running away with her, nothing could be worse than let him keep doing it to me.

He stopped suddenly and snarling, threw me against the tree-trunk. Without even a pretence of gentleness like he used to have before he kidnapped Judith.

'Please, Dad. Stop!' He was breathing hard behind me while he rasped filthy words I never heard him use before in my ear. I didn't know what half of them meant.

He spun me round. 'Ya want me to stop? Fine, I will but then I'll have to get rid of Judith. She's jus' a burden on the group, anyways.'

'Don't ya say that about her! Leave her alone. She could be yours!'

'Nah, she ain't. She's all _him, _my best friend who slept with my wife behind my back.' He laughed bitterly while I turned my head to the side . Clenched his fist and chuckled when he saw me flinch away.

'Don't worry, I'm sorry about hittin' ya before...ain't gonna do it again.' But his tone was mocking. I knew that he was accusing me of being a coward beneath his words for complaining about it.

He continued to press against me the tree and hold me by my shirt collar while I looked around frantically, not least because I could feel how hard he was.

Knowing that I would have to give in to him but I was really sore from last night. I couldn't believe that no-one noticed.

'I don't think he likes ya touchin' him, like that!' Merle suddenly appeared out of nowhere and like his brother did days ago, he yanked my father off me and pushed him away from us. But he didn't hit him and something told me that if Daryl had been there instead, my Dad might not have got away with his life.

Not after last time. I wondered where he was.

'He's my kid and I'll do whatever the fuck I want with him.' Dad spoke those chilling words in his old calm cop voice that I had grown to hate when it used to soothe me when I was younger.

'Includin' fuck him?' The Dixon grinned coldly at his shocked expression. 'Yeah, I know what ya doin' to him.'

'Carl?' My father appealed to me and I swear, he was the best actor I'd ever known with the hurt and fatherly concern mingled in his expression. 'Son, what have ya been sayin' about me?' He asked gently.

'Didn't need to say nothin'.' Now the older Dixon advanced on him to make him stumble backwards against a tree. Now he had Dad pinned against it and got his hunting knife out.

'Merle, no! Don't.'

He ignored me and twisted his hand from side to side so that the blade flashed in the bright sunlight. Right in my father's face! I could see Dad's chest heaving and the look of startled panic.

'Don't hurt him!' I cried out.

'OK, son.' Merle called to me without risking turning backwards. 'He leaves ya alone and I won't have to.'

'But ya touch him again and I'll cut ya balls off and feed them to ya.' He let the tip of the blade graze down my father's shirt to his crotch. Dad gasped in terror.

'But I'll tell the rest of the group first. That ya fuck ya own son...Wonder what they would say about that, huh? Maybe they'll want to punish ya themselves...scum like ya - a man who rapes his kid...A fuckin' child molester.' He gave him one last scornful shove before he backed off.

'Come on, boy.' He grabbed my arm. 'Come with Uncle Merle. He ain't gonna let no-one hurt ya.'

'That ain't true! I could never...' Dad screamed behind him.

'Yes you did, Dad!' I screamed. 'You know what ya did!'

'Why, ya little shit!' His mask dropped then and he rushed at me but Merle shielded me with his knife out.

'Fine.' Dad said and turned to leave, intimidated by the Dixon's weapon. 'I see he's got ya brainwashed.'

'No, he hasn't!

'Get lost, Rick!' Merle ordered him. 'And don't ya come near the boy no more. Or threaten the baby, ya fuckin' coward... Otherwise I'll tell 'em everythin'.'

He made a helpless gesture but he did what he was told. I stared at his back disappearing from me.

…

'Where's Daryl?' But I was shaking.

'He's busy. Come on.' He turned to go.

'Merle.' I stopped him. 'What will happen if I tell? I jus' don't think I can take it no more.'

I didn't tell him about the bleeding. Or the pain.

'Ya don't have to. We can tell everyone together. You, me and Daryl.'

'I...I don't know...'

He ruffled my hair in answer, just like Daryl did.

We left to go back to camp, following in my Dad's footsteps. Me reluctantly dragging my feet.

….

Rick knew his secret was out for good...Daryl had hinted at it but now Merle had accused him directly. If he said something..._No, they wouldn't believe those redneck pieces of trash over me...I can discredit them easily. _He thought. _And Carl...He's just a confused, vulnerable boy after his mother's death and they preyed on that...Manipulated him..._

A plan was forming in his mind, he knew now the brothers were a threat and there was a way to get rid of them, once and for all. He felt that there was no chance of his son spilling...If he hadn't done by now, then the chances were he wouldn't.

He'd tried to stop doing it, he had really had tried and he'd managed to for a few days at least but the temptation was right in front of him every day. He knew the damage it was doing to his son, he wasn't stupid or blind and it was like once he started, he couldn't stop.

He'd been horrified when he lost his temper and actually _attacked _his own son, beaten him up pretty badly when he and Lori had never believed in hitting their kids. It was like he was someone else.

_What is happening to me_, Rick groaned inwardly.


	8. Chapter 8

**Unthinkable 8**

On the way back, Rick's opportunity came. The group of dead came out of nowhere – their snarls and moans reverberating around the forest. Why hadn't they noticed? Even the Dixons were blindsided...and it seemed the walkers were moving faster than they usually did. How could that be possible? He heard them from behind him and thinking only of the safety of his son, he ran back to them.

Or one explanation was that they had been so distracted – the Dixons finding Rick on his son like that, Rick himself had been intent on what he wanted to do to Carl that the shuffling and moaning noises that heralded the dead had simply gone unnoticed.

Anyway, it had nearly been too late for all of them and everyone had been unnerved, even as the brothers joined in with Carl and his father to fight them off despite their loathing for him.

Two had stood out - one had been an old woman with her rotting skirts hitched up – everyone's Grandma except her face was rotting with one eye hanging off its stalk on its cheek, her snow white hair trailing down her back. Another had been a little boy of about 5 – their ages when they died or who they'd been didn't matter, by then they'd all become not indifferent exactly - but less hesitant when dealing with them.

During the battle, Carl got hurt, his head was covered with blood – his own. The others feared he'd been bitten when the old lady lunged at him, teeth snapping at his throat. But he held her a hair's breadth away and then he stabbed her in the head with the small dagger he always carried on him. Bits of her blood and brains sprayed him even though he turned his head away.

'Did ya get bit, son?' His father was by his side while the brothers dispatched the last few growling stragglers.

Carl jerked away violently from his concerned grip on his arm without replying but typically, Daryl was by his side in a shot. He was suddenly feeling unwell, he'd been lacking energy for days. Leaving Merle to deal with the rest of the walkers, he punched Rick hard in the face, bloodying his mouth.

'Get away from him, pervert.' He snarled.

Carl watched this, hardly able to believe that Daryl had just called his Dad _that_, although he'd called him the same in his head many times but never said it aloud to his face. Never would have dared, no matter what he did to him.

'Hey, little brother.' Merle strode over and drew his gun and trained it on Rick with no regard for his son watching. 'How about we put this sick fuck down?'

Rick trembled but faced him head on stonily and made a 'Come on, then' gesture. Didn't deign to beg for his life, as part of him felt guilty and at least if he was dead, he couldn't hurt his boy anymore with his sickness.

'No!' Carl screamed before he tottered on his feet.. 'Leave him alone.'

Rick watched all this drama with little emotion, wondering why he still wanted to protect him.

Merle chuckled contemptuously and put it away. 'Still, ya days are numbered, Officer Friendly.' But he allowed him to accompany them back to the camp. 'Don't think the rest of 'em will take too kindly to havin' a leader who fucks his own kid.'

'I...I don't feel too good...' Carl would have winced if he hadn't swooned again Rick made no reply and there was nothing he could say, it was too late for denials.

Daryl put his hand to feel his forehead. 'Fuck, Merle – he's burnin' up!'

'It ain't...He ain't been bit?' Rick worried and instinctively started towards him but was blocked by Merle's broad body.

'Don't think so but what the hell do ya care?' He lashed out at him. Rick looked away.

The Dixons curled their lips in disgust as the leader walked along with them in silence, barely tolerating him and they pointedly took care to keep Carl protectively sandwiched between them as they supported him with each of his arms around their shoulders. Once or twice the boy's eye-lids fluttered as it seemed that he was teetering again on the verge of unconsciousness before he jerked awake. The sweat was dripping off his face which was flushed.

Meanwhile, alhtough hurt that his son had shrank away from his touch again but not really surprised, Rick planned what his counter-attack if Merle or Daryl told the group what he had been doing yet despite their threats, he didn't really think they would. They hadn't so far and it had been a month already...It was true that when the older Dixon had pulled a gun on him and suggesting 'putting him down', he hadn't cared but now he wanted to live.

He hoped he would get to strike first. More convincing that way.

It turned out he would get to.

…

As they got closer to their people, Andrea and Glenn ran towards them.

'Walker atttack.' Rick explained briefly.

'Oh my God!' Maggie cried when she saw the unconscious teenager covered in blood sprawled in Merle's arms. 'Is he OK?'

'Let's get him to Herschel.' He ignored both them and their questions as he addressed his brother.

'No...He's OK, no need to. Jus' a slight fever (they looked horrified, the terrible possibilities rolling around in their heads) but we're pretty sure he ain't been bit.' Rick piped in and they looked at him in surprise.

'He's goin'.' Daryl snapped, his mouth twisting in a sneer when he glanced scornfully at him, the unspoken secret lying heavy between them and giving added weight to his words.. 'Or ya got a problem with ya son gettin' himself checked out? He's sick, after all.' Even as they spoke, they were running to the infirmary tent.

Rick could say nothing to that but to say he was worried was the understatement of the century.

'Give him to me, then. I'll take him.' He tried but Merle smirked at him.

'Don't ya worry, Officer Friendly.' He drew out his nickname for him mockingly. 'We got'im, all safe and sound. We'll take him to the Doc.' Even Rick sensed how badly they wanted to tell everyone what they found him doing but a promise was a promise and they wouldn't break theirs to his son, no matter how much they blustered and poured contempt all over him.

Merle stopped to rearrange Carl properly in his arms before they rushed off and Rick went back to his tent. He knew he should go with them, make sure that Carl didn't say anything if he woke up – he was his father after all – but he knew the Dixons wouldn't allow it.

_Why should he care what they allowed? Since when had they got the upper hand? _He thought to himself although he knew the answer already. _Since they found out about their special father and son game and the little slut whined about it to them._

_What if Herschel examined him properly and found signs...Rick didn't believe that he had left any, was always gentle with him, prepared him properly but still. He'd been complaining about the pain lately but Carl was a good boy and well-trained. He'd never say it was his Daddy if it even came to that, would he? He'd never betray him – he was still his father after all. Besides, nobody would believe him. _

Rick knew he had to get back into that Infirmary and see him. Make sure he kept his mouth shut or at least accused the right person if it came to that. But...(he gripped his hands into fists as he crawled into the tent he used to share with his son before he started running to the Dixons tent – that in itself looked strange, did it not?)...the Dixons were there – between him and his own flesh and blood!

Exhausted, he heard Carol outside tell the others to leave him alone and let him rest when they asked where he was. She told them that Carl was being taken care of - nothing worse than cuts and bruises during a Walker attack out in the woods and he was running a slight fever but not to worry because nobody was bitten. They were sure of it.

Rick shivered and turned on his side, he didn't feel like he even had the strength to change his blood-splattered clothes. Despite his worry for his son, he fell asleep dreamless almost immediately.

…

Merle laid the unconscious boy gently down on the bed while Herschel shook his head at the egg-sized bruise on the back of his head from when the Walker (not his father) had slammed him against the tree.

'Probably concussed...Should be OK...unless...Is there any chance he was bit?'

'Don't think so.' Merle answered.

'How about Rick? Why ain't he here with him?'

The brothers exchanged hard glances at each other.

'He ain't hurt.' Daryl said. 'But he's whacked...Restin' in his tent, probably.'

'Hmm...'

Herschel began undressing the youngster who was covered in blood and zombie gore. He stank like an abbatoir – they all did but most people had become accustommed to a lower standard of cleanliness and hygience they'd been used to before the end of the world. When he had taken his blood-spattered shirt off, he looked up pointedly at them. 'Do ya mind waitin' outside while I clearn him up and check him over?'

''Course.' Merle replied and they left.

'Should we wait?' Daryl asked him when they were outside.

'What for?'

He didn't answer but they both knew what the other was thinking.

'Let's go and wash. Get out of these filthy clothes.' Daryl ran off challenging his brother to beat him to the river. As soon as he got to the bank, after checking around that there were no women and kids in the vicinity, he soon stripped off. 'Ugh...' He groaned at the zombie gore. 'Yuck.'

Merle did the same, catching him up swiftly and joining him in the cold water, also shivering at first.

'Do ya think he'll find out...?' Daryl began but his brother interrupted him.

'...what Rick's been doin'?' Merle finished.

'Yeah.' Daryl ducked his head under and raised it again, looking at him steadily. 'Is it gonna come out? Part of me thinks we should have told someone long before this...'

'But Carl didn't want us to!'

'Yeah, but he' still a kid! Don't know what's best for him.'

'Yeah, well. Would anyone have believed us. Ya know what they think of us...'

'Still, we let it go on!' Daryl blurted out and stopped splashing from where he stood up to his chest in water.

'Who would have believed us if Carl denied it?' Merle went up to him. 'Ain't nothin' we could do...Not if the kid don't want help.'

Daryl looked so downcast that he gave his shoulders a quick squeeze before he let him go. Knowing what they were both thinking...there had been no-one to help them with their Dad when he was beating the shit out of them but like Carl, they would never have spoken to anyone about it.

'But what if we did the wrong thing?'

'We didn't.' Merle sounded more adamant than he actually felt.

It turned out they did.

…..

Still no bite-marks but something worse. A _lot _worse. Herschel pulled off Carl's jeans and just stared disbelievably at the bruises that resembled hand-prints on his hips.

'No...'. He gasped in horror. There was only one way to get marks like that...being held down or pinned down from behind and the hand-prints were big and square...obviously a grown man's hands.

Frowning, he checked that the teenager was still out of it by lifting up his eyelids and shining a light into them. No response but his pupils constricted,

'I'm sorry, son.' He whispered as he pulled down his underwear and stared again at what he saw there. Confirming his suspicions, just as a more thorough examination did. No permanent damage but enough to make him bleed...the blood in his underwear was his own clearly.

He cursed, because without DNA forensic science – even if there was anyone who knew how to use it and all the men gave a sample willingly, he would never know who'd hurt him so badly for sure but he had his suspicions. Who had he spent a lot of time with lately? Whose tent had he been sharing? No wonder he'd been acting out – his easy-going and co-operative nature seemed to have changed over night, could have been put down to teenage hormones but now it all made sense. His dramatic loss of weight and poor appetite were symptoms of a much worse problem.

'You, poor, poor boy.' The group's 'doctor' told him quietly as he put them aside to cover him with a blanket. No doubt he would panic when he woke up without nothing on...Maybe Rick could go and get him a fresh pair.

He stroked his dirty hair off his face. 'Safe now, boy.' He spoke gently to him. 'Ain't no-one ever gonna hurt ya like that, not ever again, son. Not while I'm still around to stop them.'

Seeing that he was sleeping quietly and his fever was already coming down after a mere 30 minutes, Herschel went out of the Infirmary in search of Rick to tell him the terrible news mixed with a little good. He knew he was going to go crazy, no doubt would demand swift and immediate justice – haul up the suspect and he intended to advise him to hold back until Carl was able to tell them for sure who the culprit was.

There were no bite-marks but there was something almost as bad as being infected.

Carl had been sexually abused, the good news was that he would most likely make a physical recovery (he'd given him something to lower his fever, probably it was nothing serious) but a complete psychological one was not so certain. The vet knew that stress could lower the body's immune system, probably the boy had caught a bad cold. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he had also given him an injection of broad-spectrum antibiotics but these wouldn't work if it was a virus, such as the flu.


	9. Chapter 9

**A storm is coming for sure...Will the right person be punished for their crimes? With who will Carl's loyalty lie if it comes to it...Rick is still his father after all, whatever he's done.**

The Dixons were still in the river, now that they had thorougly washed themselves of the Walker gore and rinsed their clothes and left them to dry in the hot sun, they went for a swim. Challenging each other with races to see who could reach the other side the quickest. Merle beat Daryl 5 out of 9 times.

Afterwards, they sunbathed a little on the rocks, hoping their clothes would dry in the meantime.

They didn't.

'Oh shit!' Daryl had fallen into a light doze on his stone, like Rick, he'd been tired out by recent events but woke up to see the lower position of the sun in the sky. When they had found Rick and Carl together it had been about noon.

'What, baby brother?'

'We said we'd go back to check on Carl!'

'Calm down.' Merle turned on his side and prepared to relax again. 'He'll be OK.'

'He's got a fever! And Rick...'

'He's survived this long with his sick fuck Daddy, he'll be fine a little longer. Don't worry...'

'No! Ya don't get it! We have to get there before Rick does and twists things...If Herschel's found out or got it out of him and he's awake...'

Merle sat up at that. 'Ya right!' He started to get dressed.

With just as much energy as before, they ran back to the camp.

They needn't have worried, Carl was still sleeping deeply, the fever flush standing out on his cheeks.

…

Herschell looked at Rick. 'I called ya here because I got somethin' to tell ya. He's runnin' a slight fever again but it ain't nothin' serious. There's somethin' else I found when I examined him.' He paused and took a deep breath and looked at the leader. Rick was going to be devastated when he found out what someone had been doing to his thirteen year-old son.

I'm sorry, Rick, it's somethin' terrible and unbelievable.' _Unthinkable_,_ in fact. _Herschel thought to himself but didn't say.

The leader bobbed up and down nervously on one leg, putting on an act of expectation as if he had no idea what the vet was going to tell him. Yet his nervous dread was genuine. _Had he found out? Damn the Dixons! If they'd let me take him back with me to our tent instead of the Infirmary, after all he's only got a little cold, the man wouldn't be looking at me like that. Like he's going to tell me he died._

Rick moved closer to the bed to run his fingers through Carl's hair and steeled himself for what the old man had to say.

'This is gonna be difficult to hear, Rick. But when I did a full body exam, I found signs of...of...sexual abuse.'

'Sexual _what_?' Rick roared, making his voice rise in apparent horror and disbelief and clutched his son tighter to him.

'Better keep ya voice down.' Herschel cleared his throat nervously.

'How can I? When ya tell me someone's been...been at my boy? That what ya sayin'?'

'I'm sorry. There ain't no doubt...I got Susie in to look.'

_Oh great. Someone else knows? Did he remind her of the medical confidentiality rule? _Luckily, Susie was a trained nurse before everything happened.

'What signs?' Rick demanded. 'How...? Who...?' He stuttered and gripped Carl more tightly.

'Ya know. Ya were a cop...Bruises in certain places like he'd been held down, blood in his underwear, when I checked back there...there was damage. Nothin' permanent though, thank-God.'

'Can I see?' Rick onviously meant the bloody underpants, not the physical signs.

Herschel sighed and pointed to the heap of clothes rolled up in the corner. The father glanced at them and saw the small white pants with red stains on top.

'Oh God.' He began to sob, thinking he should start putting on a performance. 'What are they still doin' there? Get rid of 'em!' He turned to his son next and began to slap him lightly on the cheeks. 'Wake up and tell me who it was!' But there was no response.

'Don't Rick...He won't wake up. He;s sick and needs to rest.'

The ex-Sheriff knew this but didn't take any notice. All part of his act.

'Come on, son. Tell Daddy who hurt ya. '

Of course there wasn't any answer. 'It's OK, baby, I ain't angry with _you_. Jus' tell me who touched ya!' Now he shook him.

'Rick! Leave him alone!' Herschel pulled him off him. 'Won't do no good. We can question him when he wakes up.'

Rick broke down completely then. The old man put his arm around him while he cried and the leader thought he'd put on a pretty good show. It was all an act though, he had wanted to weep for so long about the things he'd made Carl do but he was unable to stop and he didn't think that he'd been _that _rough with him – not enough to make him bleed anyway.

Rick knew that he must be sick I the head to do the things he'd done to his own son but he had the group to think about. He couldn't just abandon them or cause them to lose faith in him...if they did that, they would lose hope and direction. They would die without him and if the truth came out and the group believed that it was he, who had actually molested his own son, he didn't know what they were capable of. He was surprised but glad that the Dixons hadn't blown the whistle on him, he had a sudden vision of them leading the kicking at him and spitting before they lynched him to a tree if he was lucky, even over Carl's screams and protests.

…

After a little while, Rick recovered himself. Wiping his nose on his sleeve, he sniffed. 'Do we know who did it?'

Herschel shrugged. 'No way of knowin' for sure...But I got my suspicions...'

'Who?' Rick widened his eyes as if he didn't know.

'I...I don't like to say. Better have a meetin' first.'

'No!' Rick yelled. 'We ain't tellin' no-one...Everyone knowin'! My son don't need the humiliation!'

'Fine...Fine...'

'Who do ya think it was?'

'Well...' Herschel threw Carl's discarded filthy and bloody clothes in a rubbish bag and distractedly bustled around the boy's bed. Checked his temperature. He was reluctant to name names. He'd put on the fresh pyjmas later.

'At least it's gone down.'

Rick breathed a genuine sign of relief but he wasn't about to let it go in his pretend ignorance. 'Who do ya think did it?' He pressed him.

Herschel sat back on his chair. 'This is ain't for sure – not by a long chalk but let me ask ya who has Carl been spendin' a lot of time with lately? Even sleepin' in their tent which got not a few funny looks.'

Rick got up from his chair. 'Merle and Daryl? Surely, ya can't mean...

'I didn't say Daryl. He's a decent man. But his brother...' The white-haired vet shook his head. 'Merle always struck me as a loose canon but still – would he go this far? But he _may _and I stress the word _'may' _\- have been the one who messed with ya boy.'

'How do we know it weren't the both of 'em?' Rick allowed his voice to crack and wipe an errant tear away. 'Ain't sayin' Daryl wanted to but that bastard big brother of his has a pretty strong hold over him...Maybe he threatened him or someone he cares about ...Come to think of it, Daryl always had his hands all over my son.' Rick gave an artful little shiver.

'We don't know that...Could be anyone...Carl never acted scared of them or like he didn't want to be with 'em. The opposite in fact. I mean, didn't he go and sleep in their tent willingingly?'

'That's jus' plain ole-fashioned kiddie groomin'. Make him _think _he likes it, wants it or more likely, is bad and deserves it.'

Rick clenched his fists. 'I'm gonna fuckin' kill'em...Daryl's still guilty even he didn't...He must have known what his brother was doin' but didn nothin' to stop it! Didn't even tell me what that sick fuck was doin' to my son!'

He rushed out the the Infirmary ignoring the vet's cries for him to 'Come back' and 'Don't do nothin' hasty.'


	10. Chapter 10

Unthinkable 10

Thanks to the guest who gave a such a positive review – I'm glad you are enjoying it! I wrote other stories too, if you care to check them out...

Anyway, back to the story. What's Rick planning? I think he even managed to convince himself that he wasn't the one who's been hurting his son – that it was Merle. He's gone completely batshit crazy – if he hadn't lost his mind after Lori died, he would never have done any of it. It's like his personality changed over night, made him do despicable things that in another life, he would never have lowered himself to do.

Trigger Warning: Rick is pure evil in this chapter and the abuse is really graphic here.

i

Rick stormed out of the Infirmary tent, igonring Herschel's cries for him to stop and come back. In his mind, he had almost convinced himself that Merle put those bruises on his son's hips, it would never have been Daryl. Yet Daryl always did what his big brother told him to – the power he had over him was eerie.

He let himself continue the fantasy to its natural conclusion.

Had Daryl known? Or merely condoned it?

Just then, Glenn ran after him. 'Hey, where ya goin'?'

'Nowhere.' Actually, he had just seen the flash of white of Lori's dress from the corner of his eye and he was preparing to follow, all thoughts of confronting Merle in front of the group for show forgotten for the moment. But when he looked back, she was gone – he couldn't find her.

'Carl's awake!' Glenn babbled excitedly. 'Come and see.'

Rick's face fell. 'No – I gotta go and see 'bout somethin'...' He turned away.

The young man looked at him questioningly, sensing something was amiss. 'Don't you want to...'

'Alright. I'm comin'.' Rick thought it would seem strange if he didn't rush straight back to Carl's bedside. But part of him was reluctant. Letting go of his fantasy that he hadn't done those things to him, somebody else did – he worried that the little slut would spill his guts. Maybe already had to Herschel, of all people.

_No, _he wouldn't believe him. Nobody would. Besides, Rick had got him good and scared, the kid was terrified that his father would hurt his half-sister if he told.

The leader put a wide grin of relief on his face. 'I'm comin'. Camp business can wait.'

Glenn grinned back and immediately started prattling about nothing. Rick barely heard him, pre-occupied with his son.

…

They went back into the Infirmary.

'Ah...Good.' Herschel gave him a small, sad smile. 'Glenn found ya...He's awake.' 'Carl? Ya decent? Daddy's here to see ya.'

_Oh, the irony_. Rick thought to himself.

'Carl?' Rick sat on his bed while the teenager looked at him blearily. Out of habit, he started to stretch out his hand to touch his hair but thought better of it and withdrew. Last thing he wanted was for him to freak out or flinch away in front of the others. Might give them ideas. So, he settled on just asking him, 'How ya feelin' son?'

'Fine.' He turned away.

'He's been through a lot. But at least his fever's gone down.' Herschel piped in as if apologising for him and looked meaningfully at Rick and nudged his head in Glenn's direction. The leader understood.

'Glenn, do ya mind leavin' us?'

'No problem. I'm just glad that you're OK, Carl. We heard that you fought those Walkers off like a pro. Must be spending all that time with the Dixons is rubbing off on you.'

Carl took the man's praise with barely a change of expression. Instead, he turned and looked fretfully at his father.

'See you later, when you're feeling stronger.'

Carl smiled wanly up at him then in farewell and with that, Glenn left to go and find Maggie.

'Now.' Rick looked at Herschel who nodded and leaned forward, ignoring how his son recoiled slightly, hoping that the nearest thing they had to a doctor on site wouldn't notice or would just put it down to the abuse. 'We know someone's been hurtin' ya son.'

'Don't...Don't know what ya talkin' about!' Carl's face flooded with red and he twisted the top of the blanket. He glared at his father in disbelief.

'I know it's difficult to talk about.' Rick grabbed his chin then titled his chin up. 'Sh. Someone's been makin' ya do things ya don't want to do, ain't they, huh, son?'

Carl tore his face away while his eyes blazed with anger. 'What the fuck?'

'Better leave us alone, Doc, if ya don't mind... Think it'll be easier...' Rick was genuinely worried that Carl wouldn't play ball in this little charade of theirs and blurt something out he shouldn't. He needed to speak to him on his own.

'No!' Carl started to struggle. 'Don't go!' He called out to the old man.

Herschel frowned. 'I don't have to, son. Not if...'

'It's OK.' Rick was pinning him down by the shoulders. 'Poor kid's jus' embarrassed is all.'

'Fine. I'll be back in about 30 mins to check up on ya, OK, son? Gonna get me some dinner. Want any, Rick?'

Rick shook his head. He wasn't hungry – well not hungry for food, anyway.

'Don't worry, ya Dad'll talk to ya and then I'll bring ya something nice back to eat. OK?'

Rick smiled deep inside because that would be ample time to do what he wanted while Carl looked at him in terror, he glared at him, warning him to keep quiet.

As soon as Herschell was gone, he went and closed the tent door and bore down on his son.

'Yeah. Don't worry, 'cos Daddy's here.' He mocked and yanked the blanket off him. He was naked, wrapped up in a sheet underneath, the clean clothes his father had brought with him were put to the side. Carl wouldn't need them until after Rick had finished with him. No point in dirtying them up again – might make the old man ask questions.

'No, please...Don't do it, not here.'

Rick raised his eyebrows and slapped him hard so that his head rocked back.

'Want me to stop?' He sneered. 'Ya know what'll happen to Judith if ya don't let me.'

Carl nodded and cringed back. But he didn't cry like he used to, Rick observed proudly. His son had been spoilt and self-confident little brat, almost bordering on arrogance in the old days, so at least what they did had toughened him up some. It made a welcome change to see him cowed and submissive in a way a few Walkers couldn't sudue me.

'Take off the sheet.' His father ordered him, already panting with lust.

He obeyed, unwrapping it from his body. Before, he'd been bent over trying to hide his privates from the prying eyes of his father, even though he had the sheet covering them.

'Good boy.' Rick ran his fingers through his hair in approval. 'Ya always let Daddy, don't ya?'

Carl shuddered at his touch and got on his stomach, getting in position and bracing himself for the assault.

He grit his teeth as he felt his father preparing him and let out a shaky sob when he felt one finger slicked up in lube slide in his hole, followed by another. And another.

'Don't take on so, son.' He heard him drawl behind him. 'If I do it right, ya might even get to like it.'

'Fuck you!' Carl never had – not with his father. Infact, Carl couldn't believe this was_ his_ father...some demon had taken over his body, he thought for the millioneth time each time he raped him. He couldn't ever imagine enjoying sex ever again after this – especially with a man. Not that he liked men anyway.

Rick slid himself in. 'This OK, son?' He stroked his hair in a gesture of the old, tender affection he used to have for him but Carl wasn't fooled. His father didn't care that he didn't respond or participate.

'Screw ya, sick fuck!' He couldn't help hissing back. It hurt so fucking much even though he could tell the bastard was trying to take it slow and be gentle but he was still hurting from there.

That disrespect made his father mad and Rick grunted and pulled out before he slammed his way in, taking care to put his hand over his mouth to muffle his son's noises of protest and pain. He thrust his way carelessly, knewing that he was probably going to make him bleed again and Herschel might notice a more recent injury if he checked him over again which he would no doubt do.

'You little boy-slut. Ya like it really, ya let me!' He panted more obscene filth into his ear between moans that he also tried to muffle.

'Dad.' Carl whimpered. This was the worst yet. 'Ya hurtin' me. Please jus' fuckin' _stop_.'

Rick snarled and gripped his hair, shoving his face down into the pillow.

He knew he was taking a big risk, fucking his son here of all places but he just hadn't been able to hold back. Anyone could walk in even if they were at dinner. Anyone of them could come in and check in on the boy but the danger only added to his excitement. He wouldn't have been able to resist, his own flesh and blood had become like a drug to him. Not getting what he wanted in the woods when they'd been rudely interrupted by the Dixons had only served to frustrate him further and increase his lust for his own son.

Besides, he had to make a point. He had sensed that the little whore was on the verge of telling someone other than the Dixons, accusing _him_. Betraying his own father! Breaking down...and telling Herschel what Daddy did to him behind closed doors.

He nipped his throat and suppressed a yell of triumph while he could feel his son shaking beneath him as he le released his seed inside him. Carl wasn't trembling in passion though.

Meanwhile, Rick kept an ear out for the others or Herschel returning and calculated he had about 10 minutes.

He pulled out and Carl let out a whimper against the pillow.

Rick got a basin and some water and quickly washed the blood off him and the trickles of his own semen leaking out of his son's abused hole with a rag. The little pussy whimpered again at the pain when he merely swiped across it but he didn't take any notice. The ex-cop grimaced as he put it in his pocket. No reason to leave incriminating evidence behind but it was still distasteful.

'Now, now.' He crooned and soothed his hair. 'Over now. But thank-you.' He laid a gentle kiss on his son's neck.

Carl let out a reluctant sob of humiliation. 'Please, Dad, don't...'

Rick didn't answer but flipped him over easily and started to dress him hastily in he new pyjamas. He slapped his hands away when he tried to protest, insisting that he was old enough to do it himself before he tucked him back up in bed and drew the blanket over him again.

It was like nothing had happened, that he hadn't just been inside him a few minutes ago.

Rick felt himself already getting hard at the thought and forced himself to think of other things.

The boy looked anywhere but at his father while the silent tears leaked from his eye-lids.

Rick slapped him again. 'Stop cryin', ya little sissy!' He hissed at him. 'He'll be back soon!'

Carl sniffed and obeyed and his eyes grew a dead looking, glassy look that his father didn't much care for.

'I'll tell. Merle and Daryl already know – they saw ya!'

Rick did a double-take. So the whining little pussy did actually have balls after all.

'What?' He hissed, his voice growing dangerous.

'I'll tell.' He looked up at him defiantly without fear now. Just that cold, dead, calculating look. Rick knew then that he had lost him forever. He'd never be able to touch him, let alone hug him like he used to without him recoiling. Part of him was sad about that but not enough that he planned to stop what he was doing. Damage was done in any case and there was no going back now.

'Ya do that and I'll kill Judith. She ain't mine, anyway.'

'Ya don't know that for sure! Ya won't. Even someone as twisted as ya wouldn't kill a baby.'

'Ya sure about that, _son_?' Rick laughed and got his hunting-kinfe out and trailed it across his neck. He was gratified to see that look of abject terror return to his face.

'Do it.' Now, his son looked relieved and his expression of fear was replaced with one of relief. 'Can't take any more of what ya do to me, anyway. Better off dead.' He offered his neck and his submissive gesture made his father's loins throb with desire. It was a crying shame that they didn't have time for Round 2. He couldn't risk being discovered.

'Now, don't ya say that!' Rick put his knife away. He'd only meant to threaten him a little, bring him back to heel. Why would he kill something he got so much enjoyment out of?

'Now, this is what's gonna happen. We're gonna ask ya who's been fuckin' ya and ya gonna tell us it was Merle.'

'No! I won't say it was him!'

Rick slapped him again – as hard as he could without actually leaving marks.

'Ya will. Ya can even say it was Daryl too – both of them, if ya like.'

'NO! They ain't sick like ya!' He yelled forgetting to be afraid in his anger. 'They never hurt me!'

'Shut the fuck up!' Rick grabbed him by the throat. 'Ya want people to hear?' The leader glanced fearfully at the camp flap. The old man would be back any minute. Luckily, the kitchen area was the other side of the camp-site. But it didn't mean that someone passing by couldn't hear.

His son looked cowed again, just the way he'd got used to him looking and liked.

'I won't say it was them...'

Rick knew he had to change tack. Appeal to the boy's intelligence.

'OK – say it was me. Who's gonna believe ya, huh? Or them? Those two – they're just two dumb rednecks...Petty criminals and I used to be the Sheriff of this county. No-one will believe ya, son.'

Carl looked down, considering the truth of his words and his father could see his determination wavering.

'They won't believe ya, Carl. None of 'em.' Rick regretfully repeated his argument. 'But they'll believe it of Merle. Weren't he there when Maggie was almost raped by the Governor? Jus' stood back and watched, I imagine, if I know him.'

He watched his son's lower lip tremble in his thin face and decided to push home his advantage. His trump card, so to speak. He would never hurt a child as young as his sister but Carl didn't know that.

'Besides, I'll kill Judith if ya do. I mean it.' He added grimly.

Carl opened his mouth to answer but jus' thenhey heard someone undoing the tent flap and it was Herschel coming in and rubbing his hands.

'Hi, there son. Glad you and your Dad had a talk.'

He glanced questioningly at Rick with a look that meant 'Did he tell ya who it was?'

**End-note**

**Oh crap. Is Carl going to stick to his guns and finally tell the truth to someone other than the Dixons? But it'll be difficult with his sick bastard of a Dad watching him and listening to him the whole time. Rick's really got to him and messed him up, poor boy. Besides, he keeps threatening to hurt his sister and Carl believes him after everything he's done to him and he's his own flesh and blood!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Unthinkable 11**

Carl looked from Rick to Herschel and back again. Opened and closed his mouth like a fish.

'Did he tell ya who it was?' The old man sighed and Carl felt a stab of dull anger that they were discussing him like he wasn't there.

Rick nodded and Carl had the crazy idea that he had read his mind. 'But he wants to tell ya himself.'

'This stays between us, right?' Carl tried to desperately buy himself some more time.

Herschel glanced sharply at Rick who shook his head.

'Can't promise that, son. Whoever it was who hurt you needs to be punished.'

'I..I...don't want anyone to be punished.'

Rick shook his head at him gently. 'I know ya don't but they need to pay.'

_Ya fuckin' hypocrite! I hate you!_ Carl's angry thoughts jangled in his head but he knew that he would do what the bastard told him to. _They wouldn't kill Merle or Daryl, would they? _He worried to himself wondering why he didn't just blurt out the truth.

He could feel his blood trickling out _back there_ and the pervert who had made him bleed was staring right at him! With that fake sympathy that was so convincing that it had everyone else fooled. He was right, nobody would believe that he had done those things to him, abused him like that and Carl knew then that he had no choice. The Dixons were tough, they were survivors and life would carry on for them.

He had no choice. That's what he kept telling himself. All his choices had been taken away from him by the only man who should have loved him, protected him. He couldn't even blame his mother's death and the way she died on his depravity any more. People talked about one moment in their lives where they reached a fork in their lives – one path led one way, the other path led to the completely opposite direction. Carl had heard them – back then he'd been a child and it had been white noise and he hadn't _believed_...But years later, he would remember that moment. His weakness.

But he knew he would protect his father – whatever he did to him.

He knew this because he was _broken_.

…

They looked at him -both of them- expectantly.

'Tell him, son.' His Dad nudged him and he felt like screaming. What he loathed most about the bastard was the smug glint in his eye, challenging him to tell the vet that it was him who had made him bleed.

When Carl finally gave up, he hated himself more. He always would for his lack of courage.

'It was Merle. Merle fucked me.' He finally spat out harshly before he bowed his head and Rick put his arm around him while he surpressed a shudder at his touch.

'Good boy.' He praised his son before he kissed his temple. 'It's OK...I ain't gonna let anything happen to my brave boy.'

Herschel had gone white although he had suspected as much.

'And Daryl?'

Carl turned away. He couldn't do it to him, not to Daryl. 'He didn't know and Merle threatened to kill him – kill you all if I told anybody.'

'Is that why ya spent so much time sleepin' with them?'

'Merle threatened him!' Rick added. 'Thought it was weird ...everybody did but now at least we know why...Why he didn't want to be with his Dad and help look after his baby sister.'

_I hate you._ Carl thought and then realised how immature that sounded. Like he was thinking like a little kid. _Hope you get bitten or die of cancer. _He wished at him silently.

'What we gonna do?' Herschel asked.

'I'm gonna lynch that perverted son-of-a-bitch by his balls from the nearest tree.' Rick blurted out, fury blazing in his eyes as he hugged his son protectively to him.

Carl went pale and started shaking. 'No, don't...Can't we jus' send them away?'

'I'll call the meeting.' Herschel got up and bustled away leaving them alone.

….

Rick turned and smirked at Carl, brushed the damp strands of hair off his face and watched his son cringe back with grim satisfaction.

'You did good, Carl. You did the right thing, believe it or not, to keep our little family together.'

'I only did it for Judith's sake. Didn't do it for you!'

'Do you know what I'm going to do to Merle?' Rick leaned forward. 'I'm going to do what I told Herschel and make Daryl watch.'

'No! You can't!'

'Should have told the truth, son. That's what a _real _man would do, a _good_ man would have done. Never betray his friends.'

Having shot his parting shot, Rick got up and left his son. Carl immediately rolled onto his side on the bed, clutching himself as the hot tears of shame and self-loathing ran down his face.

_Stop actin' like a pussy!_ He heard Daryl's voice in his head. _Ya gonna lie down and let him walk all over you like this! Fight! Fight back!'_

So he shook off the tears of self-pity and got up in his pyjamas that his father had dressed him in and got out the tent.

People stared at him with a mixture of pity and interest as he joined the meeting, wrapped up in the blanket around his shoulders. It wasn't cold but he didn't feel warm enough. In fact, he was shivering.

'Go and get them.' He heard his father say as he got nearer to the gathering. 'Go back to bed, son.' Was the next thing he said when he saw him.

'Did ya tell everybody?' Carl heard himself say next but it didn't sound like him. 'I didn't want them to know!' He screamed.

'Son...' His father looked at him.

'It's OK.' Carol looked at him with mild and understanding eyes. There was no sympathy in them, he was glad to see.

'Did ya tell everyone I got fucked? I'm jus' a dumb kid, huh?' He sounded bitter.

'Get the fuck off me!' Just then everybody turned to the sound of loud shouting coming from Daryl. 'Get off him!' That was Merle. It was the Dixons being rustled out of their tent. Both of them were half naked and Merle's flies were undone.

Nobody commented but everybody stared. Probably reading too much into it, weren't they?

Merle glared around at everyone. 'What? What the fuck ya lookin' at?' He challenged the onlookers, some who had their hands covering their mouths in shock.

'Bring him here.' Shane and another brawny man dragged them forward and shoved Daryl in the middle.

The leader rolled his eyes. 'Not him, idiots! Merle!'

'Get off my brother!' Daryl fought and screamed and now they were close enough for Carl to see their hands were cuffed behind their backs. How had they managed to do that? How could someone take them off guard like that?

Then he looked at their undressed state but dismissed it. They couldn't have – could they? They were brothers, that was sick! But why else would they be half-naked at noon. Was that love-bites all over Daryl's throat and neck? The red hickies stood out a mile.

'Did you touch my thirteen-year-old son, you prick?' Rick immediately launched into his attack and punched him hard in the guts. Carl could see that it hurt like a bitch but Merle merely grunted.

'Did ya screw him?' He screamed in rage, spittle flying everywhere before he kicked him hard in the face with his steel-plated workboots so that Merle's nose immediately streamed blood. It was probably broken.

'Stop it!' Daryl screamed. 'He didn't do nothin'!'

'No! I never touched him.' Merle said loudly and clearly, ignoring the pain like his Daddy had taught him.

'Ya the only one who did that!' Daryl bit in loudly. 'Tell them, Carl! Tell 'em what ya precious Daddy's been doin' to ya?'

Carol wasn't the only one to gasp and turn around to look at him. 'That true?' Carl wished the ground would swallow him up whole and he could die.

'Of course it ain't!' But Rick looked flustered and flushed. 'The pervert is jus' tryin' to save his own pathetic skin.'

'Tell'em, Carl. Tell'em what ya told us.' Daryl pleaded him with his eyes. 'Don't let him do this ...he won't stop hurtin' you even when we're gone!'

'Shut up!' Shane cuffed him sideways, then kicked him to the ground.

'Easy!' Rick snapped. 'I didn't say Daryl had anythin' to do with it!'

'Ya sure?' A skinny, middle-aged man spoke up. He used to be a a civil-servant back in the old days. 'How could he not know...' He looked them up and down, but didn't say out loud what everyone was thinking.

…..

'Tell them!' Daryl yelled. 'Please, Carl. Don't let them hurt my brother! He never hurt you, remember that!'

'Shut up.' Rick hissed back at him. 'If you don't hush up, I'll execute your brother right here, right now in front of you.'

'No, please...' The desperate pleading in the younger Dixon's voice was impossible not to hear.

'Don't bother.' Merle told him bluntly.

'Quiet!' There was a babble of excitement and raised voices talking but Dale's soft but insistent voice cut through all of them.

'I'll ask the boy. Alone without any of ya.'

Rick nodded eagerly when what he really wanted to do, was put a stop to it. But he couldn't be seen doing that – it would make the Dixons' accusations seem credible and make him seem like he had something to hide.


	12. Chapter 12

Unthinkable 12

Rick was seriously worried – both the Dixons' loud protests that Merle was innocent and Daryl's accusations had the group aghast and murmuring in shock, even more at the undressed state of the brothers and the love-bites on Daryl's throat and all it implied. But it could have been all innocent, Daryl could have a secret girlfriend (or boyfriend – he'd never shown much interest in the camp women) and maybe they just decided to take a nap together but people liked gossip and scandal, liked to believe the worst but no-one dared ask openly. Weren't anyone's damn business, unlike his abused son, apparently. Yet there was never no smoke without fire and even if people sided with Rick, Daryl's accusations would linger long in their ears. He knew he had to be even more careful from now on. If only he could have got rid of them quietly without all the fuss, but Herschel insisted on calling a meetng. _When it wasn't anybody's business! Why did his son have to get out of bed and go through all that -everybody staring at him. Why did they have to pass every decision by everyone – including what to do about his son's molestation and rape. _

He almost even believed that it was the older Dixon brother who'd hurt Carl – he wanted to believe it. Why were they half-naked in the middle of the day? He narrowed his eyes. He knew they'd been something off about them...Merle was a pervert anyway if he was fucking Daryl – how long had they been having sex anyway? Did he force him when he was a boy? The thought sickened him but made him excited at the same time, thinking about the games he played with Carl.

He watched Dale lead Carl away and tried to get his boy's eye to reinforce his warning to keep to the story but his son didn't even look at him.

'I'm comin' with ya.' He ran to join them but Dale motioned him away sharply. Rick didn't care for the suspicious glint in his eye like he _knew_. He should have never underestimated the old man – seemed mild but he had this uncanny ability to see into people. He should have known.

The old man out a protective arm around Carl's shoulders before he gave Rick a long, hard look.

'Come on, sonny.'

The leader who was used to getting his own way and being listened to, was forced to turn back.

'Where is he?' He asked, making his way across the field where the Dixons were being guarded by Shane and a few others. He sneered down in disgust to see that Merle's flies were done back up but his hands were still cuffed behind his back. Daryl was blowing his top, judging by his frantic eyes darting here and there and his chest heaving in and out while Merle looked like he couldn't care less.

'Please, Rick.' Daryl looked at him in appeal 'You're sick. Ya know what ya did.' He whispered.

'Shut up!' Rick glanced around to see if anyone else had heard and punched him on the mouth so that there was a trickle of blood at the corner of his mouth. Merle finally reacted at that and struggled to get free in vain, cussing him with filthy names and threats.

'Ya gonna go to hell one of these days!' His younger brother snarled at him. 'Ya the one who fucked Carl – ya own son!'

'Stop lyin'!' Rick ordered Daryl and rushed at him with fists clenched but drew back at the last minute as if changing his mind about hitting him again. 'I know ya only sayin' that to protect ya big brother.'

'You lay one finger on him and I'm gonna come after ya!' Daryl screamed back. 'Ya the only one around here who's guilty, ya sick fuck!'

'Yeah, yeah...' Rick turned back on his heel, badly wanting to gag them, regretting not doing it in the first place but now he couldn't because he would look like he had something to hide.

'Damn you.' He hissed to himself. 'Put them in the shed.' He ordered the guards. Was it his imagination or had they swapped glances...maybe they were beginning to believe Daryl and his brother.

…

Dale sat down on the overturned log and gestured Carl to do the same.

'You know what this is about, don't you?'

The kid shrugged.

'Let's start off with the easy questions. I notice ya been sleepin' a lot with Merle and his brother in their tent. People talk...Then there's some people who think they may be closer to each other than they should be.'

'I never saw nothin'. Who gives a fuck if they screw anyway? I mean it's twisted but who really cares?'

'You know what I'm going to ask you and I need you to tell me the truth.'

'Whatever.'

'Who hurt you? At least tell me if it was one person or more than one?'

Carl looked away. 'Don't want to talk no more! Sick of talkin' about it!'

'Well, son, that's tough. Because I need to know for sure.'

'One.' He looked up at him through his greasy strands of hair. But it was his eyes that scared Dale the most – they were _old_, standing out of his haunted, thin face. Times were that he used to take pride in his appearance but not any more. Although he had been holed up in the Infirmary.

'I know it's hard to talk about and I'm sorry ya had to go through that. But who was it?'

'No-one!'

'Was it ya Daddy?'

He jerked back in shock at that. 'N...No...' But his lower lip was trembling.

The old man moved closer to him, sensing he was about to get up and run.

'Time to tell the truth, son.' He put his arm around his shoulders again. 'Jus' makes me wonder...why ya spent so much time with Merle and Daryl if they were hurtin' you? Why did you sleep in their tent?'

'Judith was keepin' me awake...but that weren't it.' Carl took a deep breath before he lied. 'Merle threatened me...He'd kill my Dad and my little sister, so I had to stay close and make it easy to him.'

Dale shook his head in horror.

Carl blushed and sank his head even lower. 'He'd do me when Daryl wasn't there...But make me just touch him or suck him whenever he went for a piss. There wasn't much time but he didn't care.'

He'd got so good at mixing the lies with the truth that he hardly knew which was which anymore. Merle and his Dad seemed like to be the same person in his mind.

'I didn't want to believe it of him...He can be vicious and mean but I can't believe he would do such a thing. But I can't really believe it of ya Dad either...Still, he lost his mind there for a while, stealing Judith, put her in danger...after...' He didn't want to finish and say '_when your Mom died'._

Then his eyes grew dark as something clicked and he suddenly shook Carl. 'Ya lyin'. If it was Rick...we can sort this out. Protect ya and Judith!'

'I ain't!' Carl fought him and shoved him off.

Dale grabbed him and stared into his eyes. 'Promise me, son. Promise me it was Merle and not ya father.'

Carl slumped and let himself relax for the best performance of his life. 'It wasn't my Dad – that's sick! Why would ya think that? It was Merle, not Daryl.'

Dale let him go and looked into the distance across the golden fields of corn. They'd be ripe soon...They'd go and pick them and eat the ears...'

He shook his head and focused on the here and now. The boy next to him badly needed his help.

'If ya lying, boy...God help you.'

'I ain't. But don't let my Dad hurt Merle, will you?'

'Why do you care about what happens to him? If he did those things to you?'

Carl lowered his gaze. 'Because he's Daryl's brother. It will kill him to lose him again.'

Dale patted his shoulder. 'I'll talk to him, OK? Maybe there's another way.'

…

'I think we can just send them away. Blindfold them and take them in the van and drop'em miles away.' He told the leader later when they were alone. He still didn't quite believe Carl...couldn't imagine Merle for all his rough edges would stoop so low. Dale wasn't sure of the truth by any means.

Rick wiped his brow, he was sweating like crazy, waiting for what Carl would tell the old do-gooder. He'd been relieved at first although the old guy kept giving him sideways looks that suggested that he didn't quite believe what his son had told him.

_Well, whatever_. _He carries on giving me those snide looks and I might make sure that he has an unfortunate 'accident'_. With a walker in his face.

'No.' Rick knew that he couldn't be seen to give in to easily. 'You expect me to jus' let that sack of shit get away with what he did to Carl?' He raised his voice in angry disbelief.

'You'll be seen the better man. He told me that he doesn't want you to hurt Merle because it will hurt Daryl.

'Like I care about that! If he wasn't under that sick bastard's spell - God knows if he didn't put those hickies on there him, the sick bastard as if my son wasn't enough for him – he'd believe me and see it from my point of view.'

'We don't know about that...Anyway, whatever they do or don't do with each other, we shouldn't judge.'

'Except when it involves my son! How can ya stand there and tell me to let the bastard who raped my 13 year old son go just like that?'

_Because I'm not sure it was him. Someone else maybe,_ he thought. 'Let'em go. It's what Carl wants...Maybe ya could even offer to let Daryl stay but not with his brother.'

'He'll never go for that! And what if they come back? They're expert trackers after all!'

'If ya kill Merle, you'll hurt Daryl.'

'I don't fuckin' care about that! Who's to say he didn't know even if Carl says he didn't join in?'

'Ya know he wouldn't have just stood back and let it happen if he did.'

'My son's hurtin', scarred for life and I'm jus' supposed to let them go? No! Besides, he might do it to another kid, how can I take the chance?

'He probably won't. Learnt his lesson, you spare Merle's life, they'll keep their promise. They're men of their word.'

'He raped a boy but he's a man of his word.' Rick laughed bitterly. 'OK.' He felt regret that he was almost certainly losing Daryl – such a good hunter and fighter but they would survive without them.

...

Later on, it was just Rick and his best friend from childhood in his tent. Carl had been ordered back to the Infirmary by Herschel who'd given him a sedative.

'Ya gonna what?' Shane shook his head in disbelief when he heard Rick's plan for the Dixons. 'I can barely stop myself from killing that sick bastard...'

'Look – 'course that's only what I want Dale and Carl to think.' Rick whispered, looking around. 'Do ya really think I'm gonna let the bastard who forced himself on my son go scott-free?'

Shane leaned forward. He'd never been keen on the Dixons, especially Merle. 'It's weird, though. Do ya think he liked it really?' He wondered allowed without thinking of the effect of his words on his father.

Rick growled and clenched his fist and let it fly to punch him hard on the mouth. 'Don't ya ever say that about my son! Ya hear?'

Shane nodded. 'Sorry. Came out wrong...Jus' think that Carl wantin' ya to spare him is fucked up, is all.'

'Of course the poor kid's messed up – the pervert screwed with his head most likely and he probably doesn't know what he wants. No surprise there. But ya get what I'm sayin'? I don't want him comin' back – not ever. But don't hurt Daryl, knock him out when ya off Merle then dump him off somewhere where it'll be hard for him to find his way back here.' He paused to gauge the other's reaction. 'He'll most likely guess what happened but I don't want him to know for sure. We'll jus' have to be prepared if he finds us somehow and comes back blazing guns of vengeance or at least demanding an explanation and we'll give him one. I'm hopin', though that we would have found more permanent living quarters by then...can't stay here forever.' He looked around and sighed before he continued. 'But I'm hopin' if the job's done properly, he'll never find his way back here.

Shane smiled grimly. 'Got ya. Don't worry. I won't kill Daryl – I don't think he knew and I got nothin' against him but Merle on the other hand...' Rick saw that he was indifferent towards the younger Dixon but Merle he was going to make suffer long and hard before he finally let him die. He felt a little guilty about that but there was always collateral damage in tough times like these and he was sure that the big bad Dixon could take it.

_Couldn't have happened to a better person_. Rick thought to himself.


	13. Chapter 13

Daryl and Merle sat blindfolded in silence as the truck trundled along. It was a long journey, Shane had to go off down a country road to avoid a large herd.

'Hope they're not headin' our way.' He muttered to Dirk, his sidekick at the front with him.

Shane picked up his can of beer. 'Hey, pervert in the back. Ya fuck ya little brother too? That why ya two were undressed when they rustled ya up from the tent.'

'Don't mean nothin'! We were havin' a nap!' Daryl snarled back.

'Yeah? Then where did ya get those painful-lookin' hickies on ya throat?' Dirk bit in, swirling his beer around his mouth.

'Ain't none of ya business but certainly weren't from my brother!'

'Yeah, right.' Shane shook his head disapprovingly.

Merle, meanwhile had stayed quiet all through this. 'Stay calm, little brother.' He whispered to him.

'Do that and everythin'll be OK.'

'What ya two whisperin' about behind there?' Shane demanded and took another swig of his can.

Neither of the Dixons answered.

Dirk glanced at Shane. 'Better not be plannin' nothin' in the back there.'

After about six hours of driving, with Dirk and Shane taking turns and getting out of the cab to piss in the bushes every now and then, the brothers had stayed awake, hadn't even closed their eyes to doze.

The Dixons could pass the time in their heads, Daryl had plenty to think about. Nobody except Merle knew it but it was Carol who had kissed him and made love to him but they wanted to keep it a secret. She ran her hands down the scars on his back but he didn't mind. She had plenty of her own. She knew him inside and out - she understood.

She'd been the first to see his back (not counting Herschel) when he fell on his own arrow after his horse threw him off. When he went looking for her daughter. It wasn't just his feelings for her that made him try to find Sophia when Rick and Shane and the others had given up. Daryl guessed that's when she had started to like him.

She'd come in when he had his head bandaged, feeling like shit and vulnerable and he'd been on his side. But she hadn't said a word mercifully about his scars from his Daddy's belt, or gasped in horror or in any way reacted. Only told him that he was just as good as Shane and Rick.

Typical of her to see right through him, what he feared the most.

Unseen by anybody, a single tear trickled down his cheek. When Rick had given him the ultimatum – the sly bastard had done it in front of everybody, he'd chosen Merle. He'd thrown his future away for his brother but he couldn't let him die. Couldn't abandon him.

Maybe he would meet up with Carol in another life. She'd stood there, lip trembling but otherwise she hadn't said anything when he chose his brother over her.

Truth was – he couldn't stomach being led by such a sick man who had set his brother up when they both knew the truth! He growled, thinking he'd like the chance to put him down even if he was Carl's father. The boy would be better off with no father than that sick bastard.

When they stopped, Daryl's stomach lurched.

'Sh...' His brother whispered. 'Wait.'

Daryl heard the two men get out from the front of the cab and slam the doors shut.

'Ready.' Merle hissed.

He sensed Shane approach him first while he heard the other man order his brother up.

'Where are ya takin' him! He didn't do nothin'!' He yelled.

'Sh.' Shane hushed him.

'It was Rick! Rick's been fuckin' Carl. And ya know it!'

'Get up.' Shane ordered him quietly, ignoring his outburst and grabbed him by the arm. He could hear Merle being forced out of the van.

'It's true!'

'Ya expect me to believe that?' Now Shane ripped his blindfold off. 'Rick ain't got nothin' against you, he don't want _you _dead...told me to let ya go.'

Dirk turned around. 'Ya sure he didn't say waste the both of them?'

'No!'

'Now, Daryl!' Merle yelled.

He snarled and yanked the cuffs apart and raised them to smash them into the side of Shane's head. The big man was stunned and Daryl had to do it twice. Meanwhile, Merle kicked Dirk – aiming blindly between his legs. The Dixons fought dirty when they had to.

Shane was out for the count on the ground and Dirk was groaning, clutching his groin.

Merle smirked down on them and bent down to grab Shane's gun. Smiling crazily, he aimed it at Shane.

'Never could stand ya, Walsh.'

'No!' Daryl cried. 'Leave it.'

'They were gonna fuckin' kill me!' Merle aimed the barrel at Dirk's head instead. The man realised and put his hands up in a warding off gesture. The Dixon sneered and clicked the safety off.

'Merle – No!'

'Fine.' But he didn't miss the chance to pistol-whip him so that they were now lying there, both unconscious.

'Get in.' Now it was Merle giving the orders as he got in the front and turned the keys in the ignition. Shane and Dirk had been so confident that they'd left it in there while they went to kill Merle.

Daryl obeyed but not without protest. 'We can't jus' leave them! (They were right out in the country). They'll never find their way back!'

'Why do ya give a shit!' Merle was so furious that he brought the van to a screeching standstill when it had only just got going. 'They were gonna kill me!'

'I know but this is all Rick's doin'!'

'Sometimes I think ya love those assholes more than me!' Merle snarled.

'It ain't that! I can't leave him...I can't leave Carl. Not with _him_!'

Merle stroked a loose strand off his face fondly and tucked it behind his ear. 'We did everythin' we could. And what did the ungrateful little brat do? He told lies about me!'

'He was scared...Rick's got him good and terrified threatening his little sister.'

'Sorry but he's made his bed and he better lie in it. They were gonna kill me 'cos of his lies!' Merle turned his back on him resolutely and started the engine again. 'They're lucky I don't go back and murder the whole lot of them!'

'But Merle...!'

'I'm gettin' us the hell away from here. So shut up and buckle up, little brother.'

Daryl humpfed but didn't bother arguing any more, it was clear that Merle wouldn't change his mind.

That night they stopped off in a barn which they barricaded to keep the dead out. Even so, they could hear a few of them moaning and whimpering outside.

Daryl slept fitfully. 'No...Don't. Leave him alone!'

'Daryl.' His brother was angry that he woke him up. 'Wake up!'

'No...' He moaned. 'Don't touch him!'

Merle hissed because he recognised one of his brother's nightmares. He hadn't had one for ages but they always came when he got stressed. There was only one thing for it – he knew he wouldn't wake up.

'Come here.' He pulled him to him. Ran his fingers through his locks. He was letting his hair grow too long and Merle reminded himself to do something about that. He didn't want his baby brother going around looking like a sissy fag.

'Carol! I'm comin'. Don't leave me!'

'Jesus! Ya really hung up on the old broad, ain't ya, little brother?' Merle mumbled against his hair. 'She ya sweetheart?' He teased and held him tighter.

Daryl muttered something inaudible but angry-sounding in his sleep. But it resembled 'Fuck off.'


	14. Chapter 14

**Epilogue**

Well, I think this story has come to a natural conclusion and I can't really see what else is going to happen after this chapter. But I wrote other stories if you're interested and in each of them, Merle and Daryl's relationship is slightly different and sometimes they cross that line, ha ha. Sorry, I couldn't resist – they make such a cute couple with the protective/possessive big brother/little brother dynamic, even if they're brothers!

**6 years later**

They were out hunting when Merle put his finger on his lip. Daryl, trailing behind him just assumed that he'd found a _really _big buck. His stomach growled hungrily and he paused to take stock of his surroundings. Merle carried on without him, intent on his prey.

But it was no deer. Carl stepped out of the bushes. A slim, good-looking young man of 18, he'd changed a lot, filled out some but there was no mistaking that it was him.

'Daryl? Merle?' He breathed. 'That you?'

'Carl?' Merle had his shotgun trained on him, level with his heart. 'I ought to kill ya, you little shit. They were gonna kill me! But we both know the truth, don't we!'

'Merle!' Daryl called out, warningly.

'I'm...I'm sorry!' Carl stammered. He looked like he didn't know whether he should stay and face them or make a quick exit, torn between the two.

'Sorry's don't make up for people thinkin' I was a fuckin' kiddie-fucker!'

Merle growled and flicked the safety off.

'Merle, no! He was just a scared kid back then!' Daryl cried. 'Ya can't jus' go around killin' people!'

His brother growled but lowered the gun. 'Get lost, kid, before I change my mind.'

'My Dad's dead.' Carl blurted out, desperately seeking a reason to get his attention.

Daryl stared at him.

'The whole group got wiped out except for a few of us who got out.'

'So? Why should we care?' Merle snapped callously and turned and was ready to go.

But the younger Dixon had pricked up his ears. 'What happened?' He asked softly.

Merle looked juat about ready to leave. 'I ain't hangin' around, listenin' to this shit. Those people were gonna have us killed!'

'You, not me.' Daryl whipped his head around and snapped at him. He took in the boy. He looked rough, his eyes had that haunted look that spoke of happiness denied and despite the fact that they were were still angry with him even years later, he felt pity for him. He'd suffered, clearly.

'Ya know what ya did, son. Ya lied! We could have protected you.'

'I know, I'm sorry.'

'What happened to the group? When?' Daryl was desperate to know.

'About a couple of years ago, we got attacked by a real big herd.' He paused and his voice cracked. 'Merle, Glenn and Beth didn't make it. Herschel did but he died a few months after, they say of a broken heart.'

'Oh God.' Daryl buried his head in his hands and groaned. He'd liked the old man, he always had a soft voice when he spoke to him. Kind of like Dale.

'They came out of nowhere, at night. We didn't stand a chance.' The teenager continued his story, hands trembling and clearly on the verge of tears.

_Maybe you would have if you had believed us. _Daryl thought to himself sourly as he relented and put an arm around his shoulders, watched by Merle who shook his head and glared at them.

'Come on. It's all over now. Who's left?' He waited with bated breath, his head only full of one name.

'Me, Dale, Andrea, Dale and Carol.'

_Carol_! _Carol was alive. _His heart leapt with gladness but then stopped when he realised he hadn't mentioned the baby. _Not a baby anymore_, he corrected himself. _She must be about 6 or 7 now._

'And Little-Asskicker?'

'My sister's fine.' But then a cloud covered his face.

'And ya Dad...Did he stop after we were gone?'

Merle rolled his eyes and glowered pitilessly Rick's son. It was clear that he wasn't going to forgive him anytime soon and felt little compassion.

Carl bowed his head. 'No.' He admitted almost inaudibly.

'Well, that's kinda ya own fault, ain't it, boy?' Merle snapped.

'Bro – do ya mind? Stop bullyin' him!' His brother snarled back at him and jerked his head at Carl meaningfully.

'I'm sorry.' Daryl told him.

'Yeah, well, Merle's right. It was all my own fault. I deserved everythin' I got.'

'No, no ya didn't. Nobody deserves that shit. Nobody!'

'I killed him! Shot him by 'accident'. When he took me out 'hunting' but that wasn't what we were really doin'. He was huntin' me and I knew what he wanted, what he always fuckin' wanted and he was still stronger and bigger than me. I jus' couldn't take it any more when he...when he...'.

'So...' Merle drawed. 'The little pussy finally got some balls.' Merle mocked.

Daryl growled at him before he turned back to the boy. 'Ya don't have to explain. Ya did the right thing.' Daryl soothed and gave him a quick squeeze. 'I can't believe no-one noticed what he was doin'. We should have done somethin' about it earlier.'

'He was real careful about when and where he did me, especially after what you both said. I'm fuckin' glad he's dead! Wish I would have killed him sooner!'

'Never mind.'

'Yeah, whatever.' Merle snarled, getting really impatient now and Daryl saw to his surprise, _jealous_. _He was jealous of Carl? Why?_

_But he knew the real reason. His brother was jealous of anyone who he let get close to new there._

'Come on. Now ya know, we can get out of here. The little punk might accuse me of more sick things otherwise.' He cut in angrily.

'Merle! He's said his sorry!' Daryl glared at him but then turned back eagerly to Carl. 'Where are ya now? Must be nearby, right?'

'We found a prison. It's safe and more people have joined us now but we need to be careful who we let in.'

'Who's in charge now?'

'Shane.'

Daryl inwardly sighed while his brother snorted with derision.

'Come _on_. I don't want to stay around the little prick longer than I have to!' Merle was decided on leaving.

'NO!' Daryl roared. 'Don't ya see? We can go home. No more living in the woods out of cabins or hiding from the herds.'

Merle snarled and bared his teeth like a rabid animal at Carl who recoiled. 'Fine but ya ever so much as look at me the wrong way, _boy_ and I'll make ya wish ya'd never born.'

'That's enough!' Daryl slapped him back down again. 'Don't ya think he's been through enough?'

'Him? _Him_? What about me?'

'Stop bein' such a brat.'

'Are ya gonna tell'em that I didn't touch ya?' Merle asked Carl. 'Will they believe you?' His tone was less angry now when he spoke to him for the first time and Daryl could see with relief that even his hard-ass brother was coming around.

'Already did.'

The Dixons looked surprised.

'They already know... Come on. I'll show you where we live. It's only about a couple of miles.'

They fell into step and they were all reminded of happier, old times. Merle reluctantly, most of all. Now they noticed the brace of squirrels hanging from the teenager's hip and the dangling knife in its sheath hanging from his silver belt.

'Wait up. What do you mean they already know?' Merle stopped them to demand answers from Carl who looked nervous.

'He said I wasn't enough for him anymore.' He shivered. 'He...He said he wanted Judith too...because he was convinced that she wasn't his.'

'Fuck! Just when I thought he couldn't get any more twisted.' Merle butt in in disgusted fury, despite his determination to not care and wash his hands of them. 'She must have been what – what – 4? 5? That's _sick_.'

Carl sank to the base of a tree and buried his face in his hands as he began to sob.

Daryl lowered himself so that he was sitting beside him. 'Come on, it's OK.'

'No, it AIN'T!' His brother yelled. 'None of this is OK! Do we really want to get mixed up with them again?'

'Shut up, Merle.'

'What happened?' The younger Dixon brother put his arm around the boy's shoulder then and they all felt a sense of deja vu.

'When he started threatening her _that way _as well, I lost it.'

'Did he...?' Daryl breathed shakily.

'No! I didn't let him. Never left him alone with her but I could see the way he was looking at her...' He shuddered. 'It made my skin crawl and then I knew he'd hurt her one day. I knew I couldn't take the chance of lettin' that happen...me, I knew was fair game. I was used to it but her? I wasn't gonna let him touch her.'

He paused briefly and raised his eyes to meet theirs. Daryl nodded for him to go on.

'He didn't know it but it turned out Carol had followed us and heard him threaten her, heard him tell me to take my clothes off and stand facing against that tree like he always did. She said that she'd been suspicious for a long time, didn't buy the story that Merle would really hurt a kid...especially in _that _way.'

He paused. 'She saw me shoot him, knew it wasn't an accident. She told me she understood why I'd done it.

The Dixons had wondered why someone hadn't figured it out sooner. Probably because they didn't want to believe that their leader, the man they all followed was capable of abusing his own son.

'Ya did good, kid.' Daryl ruffled his hair.

'He was still my Dad!' Carl sniffed. 'And I murdered him. Why did he do it to me? Threaten Jude like that?

'Becuase he was sick.' Daryl soothed. 'Ain't none of it your fault.'

'But lyin' about it is.' Merle interrupted, earning himself a warning glare from his brother. He was thinking, _How can he forget what he did to us? He nearly got me killed for fuck's sake!_

They got up and dusted their pants and the Dixons let Carl lead the way.

'Now, ya sure we're gonna get a warm welcome?' Daryl asked him. 'Or a bullet to the brain?'

'Sure. Nobody blames me for killin' my Dad after Carol told them what happened. She says I had to, to protect myself and my sister because nobody deserves to live like that.'

Daryl knew that she had known what she was talking about. He'd seen the bite-marks and healed slash marks on her body that she always kept covered. Like he did with his back.

That's why she hadn't reacted when she saw it that first time.

'I still don't like this.' Merle hissed.

….

Carol came running out of the gate as if she knew they were coming. She hadn't exactly, but had thought that it was a good idea just then to hang out her and the kids' washing. That's when she saw them, in the distance, her first thought was _They've found more people. I hope they're decent._

But as they got closer, she had just stared because she thought she recognised that confident, masculine swagger – not only Merle, but Daryl. With his trademark crossbow hanging off his back.

'Daryl!' She screamed and soon the others came streaming out thinking she was shouting out 'Walker' or 'Herd'.

They stopped dead in their tracks, the original group members who were there when the Dixons got exiled.

She was tentative at first, unable to believe that it him with his brother following behind the Dixons.

'Daryl?' She reached out to touch his cheek. 'Is it really you? Shane and Dirk said they let you two out in the middle of nowhere but I always wondered what had happened. Whether you...you were...' She gulped, unable to finish her sentence.

Daryl responded by laughing loudly and spinning her around before he set her down again and kissed her gently on the lips. She was a little taken aback to say the least with everyone watching. He'd been the one who wanted to keep it all a secret, at least for a while, all those years ago.

Especially when they clapped, their relationship was now made official.

Merle came out from behind Carl. 'Happy to see me?' He glared at the members of the old group.

'I think we have an apology to make.' Shane stepped forward and held out his hand but Merle looked down on it with distaste, refusing to shake. 'We got it wrong. What more can I say? I'm ashamed to the bottom of my soul that we thought that about you and the whole time it was Rick.'

'Weren't all their fault.' Carl spoke up. 'I lied.'

…

'Welcome back. ' Shane tried to extend his hand again and this time Merle took it. 'Ya still an asshole, though.' He muttered with bad grace and Daryl thumped him hard on the back. 'Behave.' He hissed.

Later that night, Carol showed Daryl where she lived and they finally had the privacy they had craved before in the small prison cell. He looked around a little apprehensively and as he did, he unconsciously hunched his shoulders a little.

She held out her arms to him. 'Come here. I want to look at you.'

He went over and sat next to her like a small child. 'I don't like small places.' He mumbled but didn't tell her that it was mainly because his Dad used to lock him in the closet. Once, he left him in there for two days –to only shove him a crust of bread or a glass of water. It had seemed like an eternity to a 5 year old kid.

'Sh...Me neither but you can grow to like it. Then, it starts to feels like home.'

She took his face in her hands to examine it clearly. He had a few more fine lines on his forehead and around the mouth, with a little more white in his short salt and pepper beard but otherwise he looked exactly the same.

She wondered how he saw her. What changes did he see in her after 6 years? Did he still want her?

He huddled even smaller and bowed his head and she took his hand. She felt safe with this man in a way Ed had never made her feel. Not even in the beginning when they were high-school sweethearts dating. There had always been something on edge about him...volatile. At the beginning,she thought it was his love for her that made him so possessive and controlling but she soon learned that he didn't care for her. In the first year of marriage, he hadn't directed his anger at her but at objects, throwing them around before he started using her to get rid of his anger.

She stroked his calloused hands and he shuddered. Suddenly he reached forward to kiss her. Gently at first but then with more passion. More need, more greed.

'I could kill that kid.' He said when they came up for air. 'Six years away from you...But I couldn't lose my brother. Not again.'

'I know...I know.'

'No, ya don't! I thought I could come back here – find the way easily but when we did, you'd all gone. No trace, no message, nothing.'

'I was so angry with Carl that I couldn't look at him when I found out that it was his father all the time. But then I thought about it – how sly, how manipulative Rick was, how he had us all fooled while he was threatening his baby sister and messing with his head, I couldn't blame him. He was terrified for two years and none of us noticed it not even after you were gone.'

'Don't wanna talk no more. Do ya?' He whispered but he was already unbuttoning her blouse. She leaned back and let him.

'This OK?' He looked up at her from where his lips had been trailing her flat stomach with kisses.

She nodded and he grinned cheekily when she made it clear what she wanted by undoing his belt.

'Ya sure?' He looked up at her with mischief in his eyes. 'We can take it slow...'

'Don't want to take it slow.' She responded, tugging his pants off.

He always asked her even when she was thought she was making it pretty clear that she wanted it.

Another thing that Eric had never done and one more thing to love him for. His consideration. She hadn't expected that he would be like that from his rough exterior.

But he was going to do that just yet. She arched her back and let out a low moan when started to lick her cleft, teasing her for what seemed hours before he finally slipped his tongue inside. Swirling it around like he knew she liked.

This was the second to best part.

The best was their being reunited again, in every sense of the word.

Afterwards she held him, not the other way around like usual. She'd seen Merle do the same when he had night terrors and they didn't know she was watching. Even though he knew Daryl couldn't hear, he had whispered to him and stroked his hair and the tenderness in the way he touched him had changed her opinion of him. Until the accusations started, that was.

They were close and people had misinterpreted it for something else. Something forbidden. Most people had seen the side of him that didn't like touch but actually the opposite was true with those he loved. Trusted.

In fact, he was one who blossomed with affection.

'Ya know they thought Merle gave me those hickies, stupid assholes. As _if- _me and him, that's jus' plain sick.'

She chuckled at that but then grew serious. 'I thought I'd lost you but I didn't give up. Not for one second.' She kissed his hair.

He merely grunted but clutched her harder in reply before he fell asleep.

He was hers now.

He was finally safe.

They all were.


End file.
